Inside My Darkness

4-8-10

Was this how it was meant to end
All the dreams vanished in the wind
You were here
Now you're there
Is what we dreamed
What the High Powers deemed?
Are you flying high
in the enormous sky?
Or perhaps rolling in the hay
not caring what they say.
Are you looking down
on this small town
Seeing what is felt
what is being dealt
by your leave
we all cleave
to what we desire
inside is the fire.

Revelation

I kill myself emotionally. Everyday. No matter how happy I seem, I kill myself. Nothing is what consumes me. Sweet Oblivion of Nothing. My life hangs itself. It is rushed to a hospital, only to die.
My happy face? It's a mask that I want to break for you. Maybe you like to think everything is fine and I am over-reacting, but I swear if you saw what I see when I look in a mirror you would think differently.
Bitch.
Worthless.
Nothing.
Ugly.
Untalented.
Stupid.
Pointless.

Everyday I fight to get up, but why? So I can get kicked again? So I can live a miserable little fuck up life? Maybe both, maybe neither.

Maybe one day I'll be gone like they want. When I am they will be happy. I'll be in hell, but maybe hell is better than them.

4-9-10

I'm not worth living
So let me go if you're loving
What will make you understand
and bury me in the sand
No one knows the way
the pain shoots me every day.

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Angels have no mercy
Demons love your curtsy
What does one do when there is no faith?

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Deep In Earth- Edgar Allan Poe

Deep in earth my love is lying
And I must weep alone.

4-6-10

Today has been pretty good. I wrote a poem[for him]. I've noticed that I tend to write [ryming(sp?)]poetry better in couplets. Thankfully I think it turned out quite appropriate...Gawd I miss him..

Running around all Chowder style
Laughing all the while
You glomp and huggle
poke and cuddle.
The memory makes me melt
the way you made me felt
when you looked me in the eye
made me want to die
The dreams we shared
Oh what we dared
Thank you for the encouragment
but is this punishment?
We all have sinned and fallen
Do you hear their taunts and callin'?
They will never know
the anger and pain that will now grow
Inside the lonely hearts
that is always apart
now and forever more.

I hope you got your wings, Monster.

I'm going in for the Kill <3

For You...

I don't care what happened or what they said
I knew better and now I refuse to let them think they are right.
I love you, Cuddle Monster