Within the rabbit hole lies my wonderland. It's demented and feeds off my current emotion or thought. Lunatics, like myself, shouldn't show the world inside their head. However, I choose to.

Romona Flowers?!

Since I keep dying my hair, I've had a few people tell me I remind them of her. I can't help but laugh. Do I have 7 evil exes ready to fight ..... wait I don't have a scott pilgrim. Well shit, I guess I don't have to worry about the league of evil exes. Woot!!! It's mostly because I've ben dying my hair a lot and now it's goth rainbow. Oh and it's probably because I'm a fat American.

yeah I don't know when I'm going to stop dying it. I also don't know when I will stop giving off gay vies to people, I would blame the rainbow in my hair, but l's face it, I'm a unicorn!!! I'm all about that yayness of gayness! And to that think I'm gay, you're right! I'm so gay of a man I came out a girl!

Something's wrong

I don't know what's wrong with me. .... I want to scream and cry and skip around all at the same time.
Work has been getting better and we've been getting more clients. Which is awesome. I've been losing weight and eating healthier, well trying to, because burger king runs mah life lol. I've even started learning to hangout with myself again. I'm slowly learning that I'm fine as me and with myself. I'm relearning that I'm fun even alone.

But I'm also scared. I'm tired, I'm shaking, I'm alone. There's no one that wants to cuddle me. I don't have anyone to lay on and watch AHS with. I don't have someone who I can go into their room to bug them just because. I am feeling lonely, but I also know better.

I guess after so many years of being in love and just feeling emotions has made me forget what its like to be ok with feeling alone. I used to be fine with being alone, I was ok with no one loving me. Sure I would have crushes but I knew I wasn't worth the time or trouble. I really felt like I didn't need love and wasn't worth it. Then I fell inlove, a few times. It bit me in the ass every time.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fuck up. I'm possessive, and a fighter. I will be blunt when I'm hurt and be blunt about the other person being hurt over something I think is stupid. I'm a spazz, and constantly negative. All around I'm not a good person at all. That's why I'm the antichrist, fuck you and anyone else who thinks I'm completely horrible. Yeah I told myself to fuck myself just now. It's a constant battle with me. Hence why I'm the worst to love.

Oh and here's a reason why I know I'm really sad, my favorite youtuber, cooking with dog, passed away. The dog, Francis. He was 14 years and 9 months. I really love waching the channel and he was the cutey pie that made it more fun to watch. I hope Chef, his owner, is ok. She was lucky to have him so long. Still I know it sucks to lose your baby. :(

I'm rambling what's going through my head right now. Bleh. I also need to write more to my jeff fanfic. FML I don't know why I'm being so bad lately!!!!!!!! My grammar sucks in this post.

Sick puppy

My dog is really silly. This morning she woke me up to lead me to the bathroom. I looked at her and she's just wagging her tail and yaps at me. I guess she was telling me "go pee!" I guess she wanted to switch roles.
LAter one I started brushing her out, and for once, she was calm about it. She tried to brush mine with her paws. ... I think I'll stick with bedhead. Maybe she does think she's my child.
Sadly she jumped onto my sleeping are after drinking a lot of water, she got a little motion sickness and had I guess acid reflex since it was like a baby when they spit up. Not throw up. She's feeling better after a belly rub. yay!! My other dog, Tubby has just been sleeping. Now she's by my lap getting pet pets. She loves pet pets, she will take you hostage so she can have eternal pet pets xD She also likes being brushed out.
That's how my mornings are with my dogs.... Psyche! They're being weird today! Well Tuski is...Tubby's the same. I still love my babies though

*sighs*

I broke my word here. I spoke about my ex. I ranted. Like the rest of you I'm a hypocrite. This shit happens, sorry. And I fucked up more by commenting on his post. Yeah it's been a really bad day.
I just want everything to pass. But, it wont. It's 2016, we're living in hell. Even if it weren't, that's life. Misery. We're all human. We all fuck up..

On a serious note..... if anyone has been saying anything remotely rude to Shayde.... ........ *glares* fuck you!!!!!!you mutha fucken slack jawed son of a fuck faced horse jockey elder berry smelling disappointment to the earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is MY ex and I will say what I want about him and he will say what he wants about me! We dated eachother!! We've been on this site and vented about past relationships before! So. you wanna say something fucked up to him, ask yourself these things

Have you dated me?
Do you know me?
Have you ever been inlove?
Have you ever dated?
Have you lived with me?
Have you lived with him?
Do you love me?
Do you love him?

If you can't say yes to all of those, then guess what? Your opinion is wrong. And if you bother either of us, you're so much better off punching yourself in the eye.
I get there are people that went through the same shit, but, back the fuck off once we say "ok cool im uncomfortable with you talking about this"
I'm mad as fuck with Shayde with how he's been acting, but end of the day, if I see him and he needs help, I'm gonna run to his aid. I'm not leaving my state for him. I'm not traveling to him. We're not getting back together. But I still got his back. Whether we end up friends or mortal enemies, anyone who tries to bash, is going to get eyes full of me. You get me banned for telling your sorry pathetic asses off, it's worth it!
Do not bother him, and do not bother me! These are our worlds we will say what we want when we want! You do it too, and people stay out of it. If you're just looking for attention, guess what, it's a really lame try.

get it over with

Yeah ok, just fucking kill me now. Go on, come over to my home and kill me. I welcome it. With everyone talking about my ex to me, I'm ready to die. I'm not giving up myself to be with him. I don't want to be with him. He's not getting me back ever!!!
To everyone asking and wondering, I'm not going back to shayde!! EVER so fuck off!!! No matter what anyone does I won't go back to him! You can subject me to Donald Trump, you can force me to Canada, you can make me eat carrots!!! But you will not have control over me! Or who ever I'm going to be with! You will never get that, you are not EVER going to fucking control me. Infact, how dare you. To my ex, how fucking dare you!!!! You fucking piece of shit! Yeah you're a piece of sht!Harrassing me to where I gotta block you on everything so I don't feel as trapped as I do, who the fuck do you think you are!Q YOU DUMPED ME! So you don't get me back! You throw me away I'll stay away! Anyone got a problem with it? Unsub me dumbass!

If you realy thought I'd give up on my own happiness this easily, you're DEAd, fucking WRONG! How dare!