Within the rabbit hole lies my wonderland. It's demented and feeds off my current emotion or thought. Lunatics, like myself, shouldn't show the world inside their head. However, I choose to.

Pot stirring???

Yes you are! Ok to the people here or on fb telling my ex about me. Knock it off!!!!!
Seriously, you guys act like we're an anime couple that's going to get back together. No, tat's not how it works. Listen to everyone that supported our relationship over the years, thank you. It actually helped us a lot knowing people were so supportive. It helped us get through a lot of bullshit haters through at us.
Now then if you supported us and are trying to tell him things about me thinking it will make us closer, it won't. If anything, his blood will be on your hands. You won't deal with me. You'll get to deal with his family, and friends. If you're in my state and I know exactly your part... oh honey, I've been looking for a new target. Hell, I'll have Otter help me out on this, coz we love being violent killjoys.

You're actually pulling me and my ex so much further apart. Because you were giving so much bullshit to me and him we wound up talking, and it turned out miserable. Why? Well, it lead to us acting like nothing happened. Him coming off like a jealous boyfriend and me pretty much pretending to enjoy talking to him, until I toldhim hy I don't wanna talk to him. I'm over our relationship. I don't love him anymore. like a few people he gets to be part of my house of memories. But the reality is, everything that happened finally caught up to me and im processing it. and Im not over our break up. I'm not going to be over it for awhile. I'm still angry about it and I'm still hurt.

Now then, lets move on to me and Otter. I call him BAE, why? well I actually call my friends on FB BAE. I've gotten tagged as Bae so yeah I did it back then people would ask "oh am I your bae???" I decided, why make people feel left out? BE MY BAE!!!!!! I hangout with Otter the most because... well, we make time for eachother, and I also see my grandpa (not really my grandpa just an upper classman). I hangout with those two because we plan ahead of time like months in advance. Who do I Netflix and chill with!? Me, myself, and sometimes otter, when he's hangout in my store and we talk about how much we hate customers. If you work retail you get this. ... acutally believe what you want. But stop spreading it to my ex. Seriously if this were an std, you guys would havegiven him aids and he'd be deader than freddy mercury!

To the pot stirring people here.... You're really gross you know that? You're not helping. You just ruin lives. That's my job!!! Ya thieving shit heads!


This year is becoming better, nature wise. I think we might get out of our drought. It's actually going to storm this weekend! I love the rain. It's calming and I love to play in it.
When Otter took me to go see Sing, it rained and we got to enjoy it. He and I are too alike. It's pretty creepy, but cool. It was a fun date. Oh and to those of you on my fb, no I'm not pregnant. I sell weird egg, squishy, toys that have chicken fetus in them. I jokingly asked Otter to fertilize one a few weeks ago, and we've been making inside jokes since then.

weird little fetus... but it's my little fetus!!!!


Cramps suck. They hurt. They make it hard to breathe. They make me sick and wanna puke. I hate cramps. So, why am I getting them?! It's not fair!!!! I dun wanna be a girl anymore!!!!! ToT

There's a rant for ya! I had nothing else to say. Aren't I great?! Of course I am!!! I'm JJ!!!

*pops up behind JJ and bashes his knees* stay off the ice you obnoxious jerk off!!!! I hate you JJ!!!!!!! That jerk totally stole my rant from me. How rude. You guys would do the same thing!

It would have been a year.

Today was a crummy day. I woke up just feeling off. I go to work, did everything I needed to do. Then I just.. I just wanted to lock myself into the backroom and cry my eyes out. I didn't know why I felt like everything was going wrong.

Then I stooped to myex's level... twice... responding to his stupid posts. I would delete what I said, but I meant what I said and if I were to be sorry, I would just tel him. Right now I'm not and I don't think I will be.

I wish I didn't feel obligated to even bother making sure if he's ok. I don't see the point in it. It always bites me in the ass. I kind of want to just delete this account and leave the site. But I really like keeping my fanfic here.

Anywhores after all the bullshit from today, I come to find that it's now the 12th. .... A year agor today I got on the plane to be withhim. I was scared, but happy. Now .... everything hit me... Everythign that happened even that stupid post he made.. it all hit. I never even got the chance to fully be upset about him breaking up with me. Once I came home I didn't get the chance to just sit with myself and process anything.. then I got dumped and fully didn'tget to process it.

Maybe i'll be better off leaving this site or just deleting this world. I still love writing my fanfic, but I've been clouded with drama that I let get the best of me. Lady gaga was right. A relationship fucks up the creativity!

How to be Racist

I've dated a white guy before, and he saw me for me. Not for me being Mexican. He saw me for the lunatic I am. He was smart enough to know that insanity has no race.
Not all white people are racist. But I've had two that claim to have loved me, say racist things towards me. I actually told both of them to stay out of my life. They hated each other and both wanted me to kick them out of my life. Funny how the saying "be careful what you wish for", is the only saying that's true.

What were the things that were said? Stupid things. Yes, I am Mexican; I'm also Irish, French, American, and Native American.. I'm also a beach baby, but all of that is thrown out the window, because I'm MEXICAN!

Assuming I speak Spanish, is prejudice, and is a stepping stool to racist. Making a post calling me "a Mexican lunatic" is racist. Why does my race matter? If I'm crazy, that's my mentality, not my race! Dumbass!!!

Both f these mayonnaise bitches have said to me "wow, you're Mexican is showing". Not only is that racist, it's plain rude. I'm sorry that your white privilege has allowed you to become so ignorant. But clearly, people need to get educated properly on basic human mannerism.

Not all Mexicans are crazy. I'm the tigger of insanity. Coz I'm the only lunatic~~~~~~

It's sad how I trusted and loved him, even forgave him for saying something so racially ignorant. But seeing him say "Mexican Lunatic" like some racist dick that wanted a different race to prove they weren't racist. It's disgusting. It really makes it hard to trust people. Especially people that hurt you after claiming to love you.

I'm so fucking glad he's out of my life. He can be fake with whoever saying whatever. I just want my stuff back, all of it. And I don't want to deal with getting a restaining order or filing any lawsuits.