Within the rabbit hole lies my wonderland. It's demented and feeds off my current emotion or thought. Lunatics, like myself, shouldn't show the world inside their head. However, I choose to.

I failed.

I'm just an all around failure, and I'm just not good enough. Shayde made that clear when he told me it was over. He said I had no chances of him taking me back. That's pretty superficial of him to say. And that pissed me off so I told him he was no prize pig. yeah, I still say mean things even when I'm ready to just cry til I die. It really sucks because I'm still inlove with him. I thought me leaving would be ok, it was just supposed to be a vacation. I cried those last days, I would sob into his shoulder or chest because I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be without him. But, I just wasn't good enough to him. Sadly, you can't make people change what they feel.
So all I can do is just hope he finds someone he loves that will love him back, and be perfect for him.
I'm mad, and sad, but I love him and would rather him be happy than miserable any day.

That's Funny, I'm funny!

Story time!
Last night I was on the ol' computer goofing off. I hear Shayde talking with his dad. I don't care about what they were talking about, anywhores~
I get up to use the restroom, yes, girls pee omg?! IKR?!?! How unsatisfactory in the shock moment! So, I go and Shayde's standing in the bathroom doorway announcing that he's going to pee.
I ninja infront of him and opened the door yelling "LOL NOPE!" Shayde's parents thought it was funny and laughed, Shayde??... not so much. He was pouting until he forgot and played videogames. That's what it's like to live with me if you're a guy!

Triggered (it's long)

2015 was a pretty bad year to me. I lost my cousin, who was robbed of a proper childhood. I lost my papa who was my father in so many ways and never let me forget t...

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That trip SUCKED! I didn't get to do much, and was rushed around like this wasn't a vacation. So rude.

So, pretty much before the flood happened Shayde and I were asked to go to Houston by our friend, Mr. E. (no he's not from this site, I'm just calling him this coz why not) Mr. E and I were having a talk about ramen, and how good ramen is non existent in Louisiana. He went on about ramen and finally said "let's go to Houston for a ramen weekend". We agreed and yeah we finally went.
The car ride was pure dictation. No one was allowed to have in headphones we had to sing with Mr. E, and we were not allowed to stop to eat so we could have a bigger appetite for "Just Mac" and mac and cheese place... Bitch, if I want that I will make kraft at home and it will be cheaper and tastier!
We make it to the shady hooker hotel. We realized families lived there, like legit rented a room and decided to never check out. We go in and it turns into "grope the teapartyprincess!!!" ...uuuh... no. Keep your filthy perv hands off me. So, the curtains don't close. Shayde is in lalala unpack play videogame mode and Mr. E is trying to close the curtains. I'm lightest of the three so I climbed on the ac unit and hung them, then I climbed on the fridge. Mr. E tries to help me down and I have it under control. The idiot insists upon it and I fall! He caught me....sadly it turned into an ecchi anime scene. he had hands full of @#R$@# and %$^$#%@..... FML. It gets worse! There was only one king bed. Shayde didn't want to be valiant so I slept between those fuckers!!! And it was not pretty! I don't know how one can smell bad after a shower!!! Are men just that fucking gross?! To all the men reading this, do you all smell like ass? Even after a shower? If you're my ex... you smelled bad after showers too, hence why I'm asking this question.
So the weekend was meant for ramen only. It turned into a meet and greet, understandable. Mr. E misses his friends so it was fine. The gun range wasn't I learned to shoot a sniper rifle and another kind of rifle. I have a bruise from it and a bad psyche.. (I may talk about that in another post... MAYBE)
I only got one bowl of ramen on this trip... not very good ramen either. There are three pluses. I saw the city while driving I saw the downtown lit up like back home and loved it, I went to a Japanese market and stocked up like a hoarder, and finally ... somehow I made two guys and a girl fall inlove with me. How? Cards against humanity, who were they? The girl was a teacher one of the gus was in the military, and the last guy who really liked caressing my back.... I dunno what he did but I ran when I saw the anime perv face! I like gaining more fanbase~ pfft xDDDDD I know I'm crazy. Not as crazy as the actual fanbase!

So I never want to travel with them again, and Houston I'm sorry I didn't get a good first impression of you. On the plus A lot of people know how good my aim is!

First Flood

It's flooding in Louisiana, worse than the one in '83. As I've been told several times. I must admit, I had a few scares when I saw houses completely under. Thankfully the place I'm staying at isn't taking on water, just the street, and not much water. It should be drying over the week, so that's not bad, and I haven't killed Shayde.

It really sucks about the homes and people that didn't make it. I don't really know what to say about it. I don't know what to say about any of it.

I'm going to change the subject! I love cheesecake, like OMG I fucking love it!!! With strawberries on top!! .... and I gained 50 pounds just from thinking about it. FML!!!!!

So if anyone's been watching Steven Universe and is caught up, you should totally pm me about it and fan girl/boy with me over it. I like that idea. I hope you do!!!

Back to the main topic, I talked to my mom and told her what's up, only because she called. For some reason her co worker wanted her to think I was going to drown. BITCH I LOVE SWIMMING! So I'm pretty sure I'd fare well. I assured her I was fine and told her I love her and such. I really wish she hadn't found out about it. I know she worries off and on, but I don't want her or any of my family thinking I'm up shit creek. I don't want my friends thinking I'm dead. Hopefully they don't watch the news.

The flood made me go home early from work on Sunday, the house was in dangerof floodage, but didn't take on water. I took some work with me. Wanna see? Too bad if you don't 'coz here it is!!!! I know my drawing sucks, but LOOK!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!! Be disappointed in the titan!!!
Anywhores, I'm alive and so is Shayde. :3