The wind rustled the grass and long weeds in the fields. He was far away from the farthest house, Seireitei just a white spot in the distance. Izuru sat in the long grass, bathed by the orange light of sunset. He had received permission for a few days off from his duties as Lieutenant of Third Squad. And here he was at the end of the fourth one, his goal still unaccomplished.
For months on end that dream had haunted him, along with the person in it. Surely a figment of his imagination, and guilts, and regrets – at least that was what he told himself at first. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling of reality that one dream – or had it been a nightmare through and through? – had left on him. Three days ago he decided that maybe the stress was getting to him, and he thought a break would be nice. He began with a walk, and his feet carried him outside of the city to get rid of that nagging feeling that he had been in that forest before. Under those trees, glimpses of bright sunlight shining from above. He started searching. He searched all the forests he knew of, but none of them held the familiarity that had calmed him on that stormy night. He caught himself repeatedly wondering why he was doing this because of a mere dream. He couldn't answer it, not truthfully at least, not to himself. Because if he admitted that he was secretly hoping for something impossible to happen, it meant opening the chest of demons he had locked inside of him and thrown away the key.
There he sat, looking over the horizon line as the sun slowly sank beneath it. He sighed, not knowing what to do, what to think. If only he could forget that cursed dream. He was foolish in believing he could bury the past, and when he thought he was safe, the past came knocking on his door again. He wanted to tell someone about that dream, hoping it would make it go away, but who could he tell? There was no one he could talk to about it without seeming like a desperately attached boy clinging to the memory of something long lost. There was always Rangiku-san but telling her about this would be cruel and selfish. Was she still thinking about him? Was she still clinging to hope or denying it with all her might and trying to bury the pain as he was? Did she maybe experience the same thing he did? Maybe not now, but what about the past? Perhaps she would understand him… No. He shook his head. He must keep it to himself.
He dropped back onto the grass with a rough breath slammed out of him by the hard ground. But the grass felt nice, surrounding him, rustling softly in the light evening breeze, like nature trying to soothe him with its songs. The sky turned red, then violet, then dark. The stars twinkled on the night sky, hidden here and there behind soft clouds. A new moon was in the sky, appearing through the clouds like a bright white fang from the jaws of a dark hound.
“You’re a fool, Kira Izuru” he said to himself, sighing painfully and drawing both hands over his eyes.
The night was cool and relaxing, and for just a brief minute, he allowed himself to close his eyes out in the fields. And when he opened them again, shock froze his breath in his lungs.
The familiar fox face peered over him from the standing figure of Gin Ichimaru, silver hair hanging down and framing his face. He was grinning.
“You’re looking in the wrong place” he said.
“Gin!” he caught himself almost screaming.
His cry however fell on no ears whatsoever as he found himself sitting alone in the field, breath heavy, heart pounding against his ribs like it was trying to escape.
But he had been there! Right there! With him in the field! He looked around agitated and anxious before the boundary between dream and reality became painfully obvious. It had been a dream, fueled by an illogical sense of hope. And yet the words were ringing in his head, like the echo of a lost man’s voice inside the maze of a dark cave…
You’re looking in the wrong place.
Fuhuhu~ Don't mind me, I'm just planting mischief~
Screams, roaring, sounds of death and agony and destruction. Every tormenting battle that he had ever been through mashed together in one night terror. All the pain that had ever been seared into his body, every thought that had ever tormented his mind, plagued Kira Izuru's sleep for the fourth night in a row. He fought and he fought and he fought with his own mind, trying to escape the nightmare to no avail. A gaping hole opened up in front of him. He ran away, but the hole kept chasing him. He ran faster but seemed to slow down despite that. He ran even faster but the ground was slipping from under his feet. His panting echoed into his ears along with the pumping of his heartbeat. The dark chasm caught up, stealing him away to a possibly worse fate.
Grass? Wildflowers? He suddenly awoke in an orchard.
"My my, some nasty dreams you've been having lately."
The blood froze in his veins. His muscles protested when he turned his head to find the source of that familiar voice. The nightmare had morphed into yet another painful memory of the past. A person that after all this time he had still failed to understand. A person departed from both life and afterlife, and yet he was there. In his dreams. Or nightmares.
"What's with that face? You look like you've seen a ghost" he said with the ever familiar ironizing tone and wide smirk.
Izuru shook his head in disbelief, trying to shake off the dream.
"Nope, not going away that easily" he said, cracking open one eye to look at Izuru with its bright sky blue color.
Izuru took a moment to stare, trying to come up with either an explanation or an escape. Gin Ichimaru, on the other hand, was lying in the grass wearing a bright white yukata, relaxing with his arms folded under his head as the light danced over him through the tree foliage above, not caring about anything.
“How are you here?” Izuru managed to utter, his voice barely leaving his throat at first but then intensifying towards the end.
“Frankly I don’t even know. Can’t say I really care though. Lay down. Have a rest” Gin said in a carefree manner, closing his eyes again.
“But you’re dead.”
“Yep, pretty much am.”
“Then how come I’m seeing you? And talking to you.”
“Technically you’re dreaming, so loophole~” Gin chimed.
Izuru dropped back onto the grass, knocking the air out of his lungs, or at least he felt like it did.
“You’re not real, you’re just a figment of my imagination... An image of the past that came back to haunt me just like everything else I feel guilty for...”
Gin opened his eyes, looking up at the sky through the tree branches – it was the most beautiful shade of blue, with streaks of white clouds passing every now and then – and he thought for a few seconds.
“Nah, way too much goody-two-shoes in you to conjure up a sly bastard like me” he said, a grin spreading on his face. “You seemed like you were havin’ a rough time, I thought I might spare you from all that.”
“So you confirm. You’re just my imagination.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows~?”
Izuru felt like he was slowly sinking through the grass.
“Wait!” he cried out, reaching towards the man he could see still lying on the grass while the ground swallowed him into a dark nether.
But he felt no pain, it was like he was floating, further and further down until he felt like he was being placed down on a hard surface. And then his eyes opened to the cool darkness of his room. He was lying on his back, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling, words echoing in his head over and over again.
Until next time...
I've decided I wanna haunt around for a little bit more. Some this and that to this world, new theme, new avatar, a little bit of change never hurt anyone, did it? *grin*
I'll stick around, occasionally post things. Maybe even write a bit, depends what takes my fancy~ Stick around if you'd like, the dark side really does have cookies *grins*
So, I'm back. I think. I don't know yet, the afterlife is tricky business, ya know? One moment yer here the other yer not.
Question is. WHERE MAH PEOPLE AT? Anyone still following my pretty foxy nasty tail?