Zexion: The Golden Madness
Zexion returned to his bedchambers. Memories of Gildas always flooded through his brain, but tonight, they drenched him in sorrow. The court musicians had been making new songs, so it seemed, and one in particular had stuck in his mind. A song about letting go. A song about broken love. A song… that somehow broke him.
He sat on his bed and sang to himself as he undressed. “Try to put it in the past, hold onto myself and don’t look back…” Don’t look back? He was forever looking back. Always questioning what had happened, what he could have done. He slid his shirt off his shoulders, biting his lip with bittersweet memories. “I don’t wanna dream about all the things that never were…”
He unzipped his jeans, sliding out of them and throwing them into the washing basket. “Maybe I can live without, when I’m out from under…” Sighing softly, he sat on his bed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. He wouldn’t let it get a hold of him tonight. Singing made it easier. Singing was his release… however out-of-tune he was, that didn’t matter, as long as he could get rid of the pain. “I don’t wanna feel the pain, what good will it do me now?”
He lay back on the bed, rubbing his eyes and cursing his imagination. “I’ll get it all figured out, when I’m out from under…” Okay. Skip on a bit, to the one line that made him cry. He slid under the covers, shivering slightly, and lay his head against the pillow. Deep breaths. “But I know that we’ve tried everything we can try so let’s just say goodbye…” A tear ran down his cheek. His throat stung. He closed his eyes. “Forever…”
He couldn’t carry on like this. No more suffering. No more pain. There was just too much of it. What was it the Superiors had always said? “Two solutions. Death of your heart, or Death of your soul.” Nobodies didn’t have hearts. But these emotions… they were real. Death of the heart. He had no heart to kill, so there was one solution. Death of the soul. The only remaining option… And how could you do that? Giving in to hatred… Drinking a dark elixir… Killing a friend. A friend… who deserved to die? Haru had killed Gildas. Haru deserved death. And this… would be her fate, too.