PS. I Love You

Dear Inuyasha,

It kills me to write this letter. I had hoped this day would never come and that I could stay with you forever, but now I know how stupid that thought was. I know you will never understand my reasons for leaving no matter how much I explain them to you. I know that no matter how many times the others try to tell you that it was my decision and that it was the right one you will still probably end up blaming yourself for my departure. I want to tell you that that is as far from the truth that one can get. I know that you will probably hate me for doing this too. But I had to leave and it has nothing to do with any of you. Please just give me a chance to explain.

Let me first say that these last few years have been the best of my life. Shippo has become almost like a son to me and I love him just as much as I would my own child. Sango is like a sister and one of the best friends I will ever know. I never trusted someone more then I can trust her. I know I could depend on her for anything. Miroku is by far one of the wisest if not perverted person I have ever meant. I cherish every piece of advice he has ever given me and I consider him to be like a big brother, that is, if a big brother would be able to hit on you constantly.

And you, Inuyasha, you have become my other half. When we first meant I thought that you were nothing but a self centered uncaring jerk. Now I know that you are so much more. Beneath that tough, arrogant façade you have one of the kindest hearts I know. You’re loyal and passionate and put everything you have in every endeavor. I have always admired your strength and the way you are willing to protect everyone you love with every fiber of your being. You have saved every one of us more times to count and though you pretend not to care, I know that you would give your life to save anyone of us. I know we fight like cats and dogs but I don’t regret one moment we have spent together. No matter how much pain and suffering we had to go through these past few years I will always consider you as one of the major blessings in my life. But we both know that I can’t stay here.

I don’t belong in this time. Don’t take me wrong, I would love to stay. I would love to live in the village where I could see you all every day. I want with all my heart to believe that we will be able to defeat Naraku, and the jewel would be forever safe. I want to be there when Shippo grows up and starts training to be strong on his own. I want to be there when Sango and Miroku are free to love each other without the cloud of death hanging over their head. I want to be there to hold their first born and to watch them get married and settle down to a happy productive life in some village. And I would love to be there to watch you finally learn to love yourself and settle down. But that is not my destiny.

My main purpose in this life is to protect the jewel. Like Kikyo, my counterpart, my wants don’t matter. My dreams are not important. I have no right to ask for fate to change just for me and the more I try to fight fate the more people get hurt. If I wasn’t pulled into the well, the jewel would never have returned to this time. By bringing the jewel back, I destroyed so many lives. I know that you and Miroku would tell me that it was not my fault. That I was pulled into the well by Ms. Centipede and that is true. I did not ask to be brought through the well, but it was me who chose to stay here instead of returning to my own time the moment it was safe to do so.

You yourself tried to warn me of that in the beginning, Inuyasha. I use to think that you did it because you hated me, but now I realize that you were just trying to protect me. But I was too stubborn to listen to you and now look what has become of it. It's because I refused to leave that Naraku grew to the strength he has. If I would have just let you handled it, you probably would have found all the jewels already and made your wish. The jewel would be gone forever. If I would have taken the shards to my own time and stayed there, Naraku would have been weak enough to be destroyed. How many people has he killed that could have been saved if I had just listened to you? Their lives are a burden that I will have to bare for the rest of my life. And now he is not going to stop. Not without someone else forcing him too.

Together we have managed to collect all but one shard of the jewel and we have also managed to weaken Naraku maybe permanently if he does not get his hands on any shards of the jewel. Miroku reassured me that as long as we have the jewels in our hand we have a chance, but we can never guaranty that we will be able to keep it within our possession. Every day it seems we have to fight another battle to keep some kind of evil individual from stealing it away from us. Each time we fight we risk losing our lives. Miroku’s wind tunnel is swelling with overuse, Sango is constantly dodging attacks, and poor little Shippo has almost been killed countless times. And you, you are always the one to take the brunt of the attack. I can’t keep track anymore of all the times that you have been injured sometimes almost killed. And most of them were because of me. Because I am too clumsy and careless to hold up my own in battle.

I can’t ask you to risk your life anymore. We may spend years looking for the last shard. We might never find it. If that is the case, then my presence here is merely hindering you. As long as I remain here with the jewel, we risk Naraku snatching it away from us. Naraku is weaker now then he has been in some time. But his minions are still as strong and resilient as ever. They are after us constantly and that will never change. Sango‘s own brother has been used against us.. If I go back to my time and take the jewel with me, maybe they will stop pursuing you. Without the jewel to lend him strength, maybe Naraku could be killed and all the beings under his control freed. Sango would have her brother back, Miroku‘s wind tunnel would disappear and you would finally have your revenge for Kikyo.

You don’t have to worry about me. My archery has improved and no one in my time knows the jewel’s story is real. As for the people from this time, I can seal the well against them escaping into my time. I was too weak to do it before but now my Miko skills are so much better. I have asked Kaede to give me the spell to do it. Don’t be mad at her. She knew that it was better this way. Besides, I begged her too.

As for the last jewel shard, wherever it is, if you find it I am entrusting it to you. You have the strength to protect it now. With the jewel shard, you will be able to accomplish all the goals you have ever dreamed of. You won’t be able to become a full demon of course but I don’t think you desire that anymore anyway. You are so much stronger because of your mixed blood. I believe that one day you will be able to realize this. You have changed so much since we first meet and I think that anyone who just takes the time to know you will fall in love with you. I know because I had. You have so much to offer the world Inuyasha. Your brighter then you look and you have so much potential. If you just forget about your past and look towards the future I think that you could move mountains. I am not worried about you. I know that you will have the others to care for you. I only ask that you take care of them too. Don’t be afraid to let them see how much you care for them.

I will remember you always Inuyasha. My heart is breaking just knowing that I will never be able to see you again. Please know that I will think of you always. I will think of you when I make ramen, when I shoot an arrow, and when I sit by the god tree. I will think of you every time I look at a sunset, every time I see a puppy, and every time I use the word sit. I don’t think I will ever sit in a math class again without looking towards the window and expect you see you staring back at me. My life has been forever changed since the day that I reached out to touch that arrow in the tree. I promise that I will keep you in my memory always. I have no choice. One always remembers the first time they had felt the way that I do. Please forgive me, Inuyasha. I had no choice. But I have no regrets. Don’t worry about me. Just be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted for you. Just be happy.



P.S I love you.

Near an old and rotting well a few miles from a small village, a silver haired boy held a letter in a shaking hand. His eyes skim over the contents again and again as if the words would change if he read it enough. The boy’s eyes finally settle over a single line, one that could be so easily lost in the multiple pages. P.S I love you. The boy stares at that line for several moments until the letters begin to blur. A single tear falls onto the crisp white paper, blurring the ink. But the words still remain burning holes of sorrow in the boy’s very soul.