I flinched; knowing that I had a half a second from the time those words left her mouth to the time my face would meet the hard ground.
Spitting out dirt, earth worms, and who knows what else, I pulled myself out of my custom designed crater. “Damn it, wench. What was that for?” The moment the words left my lips I knew they were the wrong ones.
“ Sit sit sit sit sit sit sit sit.”
And so began the cycle again. Always it was the same. I would say something stupid and then she would start to cry. I hated it when she cried. That small sobbing she always made tore right through the arrogant barrier I keep around my heart and would stir up my insides. Damn her. She was the first one since my mother that could have this effect on me. How could she reach so easily through my guards and touch the most intimate parts of my soul? I can hold everyone else back but not her. Hell, even Kiko could only get a glimpse of the feelings I held in side, but kagome…some how she gets through. Only kagome could make my insides clench with every sob. Only kagome could make me want to cry when I see those crystalline tears in her eyes.
But can I tell her how I feel. Of course not. The words always get jumbled up between my heart and my ego. “I’m sorry” becomes “it’s all your fault”. “Please don’t go” becomes “I’m not coming after you”. “I love you” becomes “Stupid wench”. And then she begins to cry and then she leaves, starting the torment phase of this twisted cycle.
She will never understand just how hard it is for me to be away from her. Without her sent surrounding me I can’t sleep. And without sleep, I have all night to drive myself insane with stupid thoughts. “Is she ok?” “Is she still angry?” “Will she come back”. How many nights have I sat in my tree and asked myself that question. She will never know the truth. That if she went away forever, I would probably not survive.
Kagome once told me a story about a dog that starved to death waiting for its master to return. I can see why the dog died. Sure, someone else would probably be happy to feed it, but what was the point. Its master abandoned it and without love the food no longer held any joy. Without Kagome, the world has nothing more for me and I would waste a way. I know this because whenever she is not around I can’t eat. For me life is empty till she returns. And she always does.
And once I see her smiling face I can’t help but forgive her. It does not matter if she’s been gone a week or a day, the sight of that over bloated yellow backpack peeking over the top of the well never fails to make my heart lurch. She was back and I would not be alone anymore. My heart would race and tears of joy and relief would always be burning just behind my eyes. To hold them back, I always ended up yelling again. Did she know that when I screamed “where have you been?” I really meant “I’m so happy your back.” Or that “You’re late” means “I was so worried”? Does she know that every time I scream at her about lost opportunities with the shards that I am really trying to cover up the pain I felt when she was away?
“Inuyasha?” Her silky voice breaks through my thoughts as I sit in my tree, still pouting and digging clumps of dirt from out of my ears. “What do you want?”
I glance down at her and my breath is swept away. The sun is shimmering on her inky black hair. Her eyes sparkled as she holds the bowl of ramen out like a peace offering. A soft breeze blows by bringing me the smell of her sent mixed with the flowering cherry blossoms.
“I’m sorry I … well you know. Truce?” she flashes me a brilliant smile and hold the ramen out again unaware that her smile was enough to send me dripping down the side of tree branches in a heap of melted goo. A smirk tugged at my lips when I realized that this time the cycle was skipping a step. This time I won’t have to wait in agony for her return. Smiling I jump down from the try to join the others. And sit by her side until the cycle begins again.