P.S I love you (mir/san)
My dearest Sango,
If you are reading this, then I am sure that you and the others have realized that I am gone. I am sure Inuyasha is probably cursing me to Buddha and that poor Kagome is left trying to pin him down. I hope you can forgive me for leaving you to clean up the mess of my sudden absent. I know you will never fully understand my motives for leaving you, but please believe me when I say that I only did what I thought would be best for you and the others. Our recent bout with the lady Mantas has only solidified a belief that I have carried for quite some time now. I should never have stayed with you, my friends. Don't get me wrong. Its not that you have made horrible traveling companions. In fact, the loveliness of you and Kagome was more then enough to make a man content in his travels. But it is with the deepest respect and love of such beauty that I leave you now.
My grandfather never respected the power beautiful women held. Because of this disrespect, my family has had to bare the curse of his ignorance through the ages. My own father was consumed by the curse of my grandfathers lust, and now, I am next in line. The wind tunnel in my hand has spread, and will only spread faster in the days to come. One day it will suck me up into the void that has taken the men of my family for generations. I can't stop it. And I will not curse you and the others to risk your life against it. It is my burden alone to bare.
I know that Inuyasha would like to believe that he could drive away even this cursed wind tunnel of mine with that sword of his. And I would not be surprised if Kagome believed that as well. But you, Sango, know better then that. You alone have felt the full brute strength of Naraku. You know what he is capable of, and I think, deep down, you know that we have little hope of stopping him. My presents with you only hinders your chances of surviving.
So it is with a heavy heart that I leave you all here. I am thankful for every experience I have had with you and I will miss you all dearly. I will miss Kagome's cheerfulness and her uncanny ability to find hope even in the most hopeless cases, I will miss Shippo's youthful optimism and endearing trust, and I will even miss Inuyasha and all his courage and almost unbearable confidence.
But you Sango, I think I will miss you most of all. And now that we must part ways I find that I must apologize. I have deeply wronged you. I am sure that you think of me as just a lecherous and dishonest monk, and, perhaps in some ways, you are correct. I have my flaws, but I never meant to hurt you in anyway. I know that you must think that I am blind, but I am not as stupid as you think. I can see that over our time together my womanizing tendencies have hurt you. Perhaps, in the deepest regions of my heart, I might even had hoped that you had felt something more then friendship towards me. I can imagine you must hate me for every lecherous remark, for every touch and hurried embrace I have given to others. Perhaps, you have sat alone and wondered why I would treat you in such a way or what it was that the others had to offer that you lacked. The answer is nothing.
No women, great of standing, beautiful, or rich, that we have encountered on our travels could ever out shine you. You are beautiful, Sango, in every sense and meaning of the word. I have watched you for quite some time in our travels. You are intelligent and clever. You are kind and loving. Even covered in blood and wounded, you shine with more grace and dignity then any princess on a silk stool could every hope to possess. I envy your calmness and your loyalty. I stand in awe at your strength, your power, and your sheer wisdom. You are everything any man could ever ask for. If Naraku had not destroyed our lives, you would have men falling at your feet. They would offer the world to you. So how in the world could I ask you to settle for me.
What can I offer you Sango? A hut in a peaceful village? Children? A pleasant and perfect life? I can only offer death and pain. A poor-mans shack in a lifeless forest. Children burdened with a generational curse. A life lived in fear of the day that my wind tunnel will finally devour me, leaving you and our children to scrap out a meager living in sorrow. What right do I have to ask that of you? What right do I have to ask the others to risk their lives day after day for a monk that causes nothing but embarrassment and burden?
I had to leave you. I have to let you fight on your own. I hope that you succeed. I hope that Naraku will be slain and the jewel renewed. And I hope that one day, if the fates will bless me, I will meet with you again. And I promise that if that day ever comes I will lay down my staff, cast aside my monks cloaks, and become just a man once more. I cant give the world of course, but I promise you that I would give up my lecherous ways and devote every breath of my being to providing you with the perfect life that you deserve. Until that day comes, dear Sango, please look after the others for me. Make sure Inuyasha keeps a straight head, guide him, and remember that, even though he is half demon, he suffers from the same insecurities and craves the same love that any human does. Watch over Kagome. Don't let her give up on the fragile love she holds for Inuyasha, but remind her that she also has a family back in her own time who loves her just as much as she loves him. Look after Shippo. Try to prevent him from picking too many traits up from Inuyasha. And finally, learn to value yourself. Don't let yourself for a minute think that you are any less beautiful or intelligent then any of the people that you meet. Don't be ashamed of the scars you bare for everyone of them is a testimony on how strong you are. And finally, if there is ever a moment when you feel unwanted or overburdened, spare a moment to remember that somewhere under the same blanket of stars lives a man who loves you. A poor, lecherous, cursed man. But a man all the same.
Crouching near where the monks blankets one lay, Sango stared down at the letter with tears burning behind her eyes. Damn that monk. How could he. Beside her, kirarra let out a plaintive meow and rubbed against the Demon Slayers leg. Sango did not even seem to notice. Instead, she continued to stare at the letter, Miroku's words swirling like a stinging vortex in her mind, all pulling her down to those four words. A man who loves you.