L's Past

This was when Light gave up his memories to help L catch Higuchi and get himself freed. L fans please don’t kill me.

“Hey L,” Light said leaning back in his chair. They had just gone through a large amount of information about Yotsuba, and the information had taken its toll. “What keeps you going like that. I am so tired.”

“If you are tired Light-kun then you should sleep. I can process the rest of this information on my own,” L answered.

“No that is fine,” Light answered, “logic says that it is all the high calorie sweets that you constantly eat. If I ate like you, I would be fat.”
“Light-kun, where is this going?” L asked.

“No where I guess I am just becoming delusional. I will go take a nap if that is fine with you,” Light answered.

Light stood and walked off pulling his end of the chain with him. The chain was just long enough for Light to reach a couch and lay down comfortably. In a few minutes Light’s slow and relaxed breathing entered L’s ears. Could I have really made a mistake thinking that Light-kun is Kira? Hmmm and where was he going with that sweet question? Speaking of sweets, I need Watari to get me some more strawberries.

In that moment, visions of a past once begged to be laid to rest resurfaced. Back to L’s childhood they went. Back to pain that L himself had to block out of his consciousness. The feeling of the cold and snow and the bells came into full focus. Feelings long buried were being forced to the surface. The feelings of cold, the feeling of pain, and the feeling of hunger were once again alive.

“Mommy, I’m hungry,” L complained to a woman as the snow fell slowly around them. L himself was in oversized clothes handed out generously from the shelters. L was only five at the time and could not understand why he was always so hungry. It was late in the day, and street lights were already starting to come on. The snow reflected the street lights as they came down in shimmering flakes. Any other human being would have considered this a beautiful sight, but L hated it. Snow meant cold and cold meant it was harder for his mother to get a job, and cold meant there was no food.
“I’m sorry baby,” L’s mother nearly cried.

She was a poor woman with barely a single yen to her name. A husband gave her a child but then died in a car accident. Now this quiet woman was struggling to raise a child who learned at a very early age what hunger was. All she could say was ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again as her child asked why there was no food. What this woman could not conceive was that her child was a genius or the fact that he thought her beautiful. All she focused on was getting enough food to survive in the cold of Japan.

“Mommy, it’s alright. Don’t cry Mommy. I’ll protect you. Don’t cry,” L repeated over and over again, but the woman continued to cry in the ice of the winter.

L grasped his mother’s hand and slowly walked her down the sidewalk. His hair too long jumped in front of him and blocked his vision, but L proceeded forward. There was nowhere to go, no house to find, no family to see, but there was pavement to walk and small joys to watch from afar.

A child begged his mother for a toy not far away, but the mother continued to protest telling the boy that Christmas was coming, and he should wait to receive gifts rather that beg like a child. L knew too well that there were not going to be Christmas presents. There never were and there never would be. That was how things were. L clasped his mother’s hand tighter as she began to weep at seeing a normal child and then looking at her child not being able to give him the simplest of gifts- food and shelter from the ice.

“It’s alright Mommy,” L smiled. Already he had learned the soft smile that made his mother smile back, “We’ll be okay Mommy. We always are. Don’t cry.”
Just then, a man appeared on the street. L froze as his eyes caught the look the man was giving his mother. They were devilish eyes that wanted to harm, to crush, to kill. It seemed as though everyone on the street had vanished into the ice and snow.

“Hello there, pretty lady. Why don’t you ditch the kid and come talk with me about your payments,” the man cooed. The stench of sake was so pungent that even from the few feet away he stood, L could smell it. L felt his mother’s hand tighten around his.

“No,” L said, trying to sound as fierce as he felt inside. No one was going to hurt his mother.

“Ah, the brat has fangs. Sorry laddie, but I have a bit of business with your mom here,” the man chuckled.

“I don’t have the money,” L’s mother said flatly, “I will try to pay you back as soon as I can. I need more time.”

“Time…I have given you six months. Isn’t that enough time? Well, time's up. If I can’t get my money, you will pay with your deaths,” the man said and held up a gun.

The fear that shook his mother traveled into L himself. She tried to hide it, but when she became afraid, L’s mother shook. It was as if the ice outside was entering him, trying to freeze him to death. He felt the ice freeze inside his eyes and bury down creating what would be later in life dark circles. L’s mother moved in front of her child instinctively. L clung to her hand tighter, but she had stopped shaking.

“God spare my child,” she whispered.

“Stop!” a voice boomed angrily.

L looked to his left and saw a police officer running towards them.
“Dam!” the man cursed. He aimed the gun and pulled the trigger before the police officer could stop it.

The bang was only the first part. More bangs erupted from the police officer’s gun as twelve bullets entered the man that had wanted to harm, but the damage was already done. L’s mother fell backwards onto L who was splashed with her blood. The snow absorbed the blood like a sponge and became bright pink. L felt he could move, but the pure terror froze him. His mother was breathing slowly now as more blood pooled onto L’s oversized clothes.

“My baby,” was the last words L’s mother said as she left the world of the living.

“Mommy,” L cried from beneath his mother. He managed to move out from under her and placed her head in his lap. Tears froze into ice as they streamed down the crying boy’s eyes. He could not move. Even when the officer came and placed his arm around the boy, L did not move.

“Are you alright?” the officer asked softly.

“Mommy, my mommy is….” L cried and buried his head into the officer’s jacket. The officer placed his arms around the sobbing child and picked him slowly up. He had already called an ambulance and other officers to the scene, and as people rushed around trying to understand what happened and this, that, and the other, the officer held l close to him.

Doctors confirmed that L was fine but that the man and woman later identified by people whose names and faces L would never know were dead. It was later learned why the shooting had occurred, but the officer did not let anyone near the child. L stayed in the officer’s arms as he was taken to the police headquarters.

“My mommy, my mommy…she was killed. My mommy was killed,” L sobbed into a blue jacket. The officer had no words that he could find that would make it any better, so he remained silent and sat down in a swivel chair. He rocked L until the child had fallen asleep. Even then, L did not release the officer’s jacket, so the officer sat with him for what seemed like an eternity.

L awakened in a warm bed with the smell of strawberries and cinnamon rolls waiting for him on a desk to his right. He was still in the police headquarters, and the officer that had rescued him the night before was asleep in the swivel chair only a few feet away. Someone had changed L into soft pajamas, and as L’s feet hit the floor, the officer looked up from his sleep.

“Hello,” the officer said calmly, “I am Officer Soichiro Yagami. Do you want to tell me your name?”

L remained silent, but the officer did not press him any further.

“I had sweets ordered in for you. You seem thin. Eat as much as you want. If you need anything, feel free to let me know,” Soichiro said as he stood and walked a few feet away. He turned and looked back to the boy, “Are you going to be okay?”

L shook his head, and Soichiro walked back to him.

“Then I’ll stay with you. How does that sound?”

L nodded and walked towards the food. He had never eaten anything that looked and smelled this good before. It seemed like a dream, but as he picked up the cinnamon roll and placed it in his mouth, L felt the sugar buzz through him. It was as if he had missed something he knew nothing of all his life. He ate more and more. Soichiro went away for a few minutes and brought back more sweets. L ate and ate until he felt his stomach was full. It was an awkward feeling, but it was good.

“Thank you,” L said softly.

“You’re welcome, and I am sorry. I see in your face that you know what happened,” Soichiro started, “I was too late, and your mother died. I am sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” L answered. He did not hate this officer. This officer had saved his life and tried to save his mother’s.

“You know, when I joined the Japanese police, I head a friend say that justice would always prevail. I don’t think that I can bring your mother back, but the man that shot her is now dead and will never harm anyone again. So in a way, justice did prevail. I’m sorry that it cost your mother though,” Soichiro said quietly.

The good guys always win, L thought.

After that, L ate more and found that sweets gave him an outlet for all the fear and pain that he needed to lock up. He refused to talk to any psychiatrists or the like, and instead focused on bidding the pain from himself. The sweet taste fought the pain and suffering and pushed them far back into the corner of L’s mind where it would stay. The sugar also gave him energy to study and become a genius. L was placed in foster care where his intellect was noticed by Watari who took him in. L studied and became an excellent detective and solved the unsolvable cases. The words that the good guys always win gave him the strength to go beyond and become the best detective in the world.

L picked up a piece of cake and was about to take a bite when he heard Light stir.

“L….” Light said dazedly, “can I have some cake?”

“I thought sweets would make you fat Light,” L answered.

“I was having bad dreams. Please, can I have some cake?”

“Fine,” L answered. Kira, enjoy your sweets. Justice will always prevail, and I will prove that you are Kira soon enough. You are Kira and act like a god. You are not. And I will catch you.