My heart pounded that day. The day his long skinny fingers sunk and held up the ends of my long brown hair. It was the best day of my life because that’s the day when I truly realized I fell in love with him.
We weren’t together, we never would be. I just wish we could be though… I love him but he loves me like a sister. I didn’t want him to leave me. I was happy where I stood.
His ex-girlfriend, still friends with him, how did she end up dating him but I stay wrapped in the “do not enter” tape. I wish I could be her to know what it was like to hold his hand, to comfort him and share a kiss.
He wasn’t the best boyfriend though, he loved the pleasure he got from the girls he dated. If that wasn’t enough another one would come and satisfy his taste. Yes, I know that he wasn’t the perfect choice but you couldn’t see what I saw.
To my eyes, he was gentle and wished for my happiness. He didn’t want me upset. He lifted that fence to protect me from his problem. Like all fences, there is a way to get around it. I never listened. I just wanted to be there.
“I am such a bastard,” he once told me. His hands covering his face, didn’t stop me from trying to sneak a peek to see if he cried of not. He usually never did but there were times where he cracked.
“It’s ok I’m right here,” I reassured him. Those arms of his wrapped around me from the back, he would never let me see his face after those words.
Everyone needs help even though they aren’t the best of people. I wasn’t the best either, I was always so angry at the world. I just wanted to be loved. When I was upset, he never did let go. His hands were always screwed into my arms. They never seemed to loosen.
My shoving, kicking, and struggles were never enough, but that never stopped me from a little tussle with him. I knew I would lose at the end but the thing was I was selfish. I wanted him to care. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to say I wasn’t alone. I wanted to be smile at the end knowing he cared about me.
“Let me go would you,” I yelled at him. “I shouldn’t be around when I’m upset like this. You’ll just get hurt!”
“No I’m not letting you do that. You won’t hurt me. You shouldn’t be alone in your state,” he told me bringing me down into his lap. His arms locked around mine as I cried and lowered my face so he would never see me cry.
Still after all those experiences we’ve been through he still refuses. He refuses to let me in to his heart. He keeps a distance at times which I hate but I’m happy. I’m happy that I can stay by his side. Sure I have to recover from the heartache but I wouldn’t want it any other way. It always just a child’s crush or was it?