The following will contain profanity.
It has also come to my attention that I have a massive ego that clashes with other peoples massive egos. If you have one, it may be comforting to know beforehand that I am always right.
Clearly this is an inconvenient flaw in my personality. The God's that be laughed when they created me.
However, I can admit my faults, therefore, I am not the system's bitch and eternally awesome.



I have watched a fuck ton of movies lately. I have a list on my facebook of all for 2009. Anyway, they deserve reviews. Or maybe just rhe ones I didn't like. I might find it hard to pick at Transformers 2 and The Proppsal. FYI, here is my past few weeks in movies. (all have been in movie theatres unless otherwise stated)

June 14th - The Hangover, Hostel(hostel was dvd)
June 15th - The Descent (dvd, made me actually cry with fear)
June 16th - Hot Fuzz (dvd)
June 18th - Up (3rd animated movie I've seen in theatres ever)
June 19th - Quarentine (dvd)
June 22nd - Thumbsucker (dvd)
June 23rd - The Taking of Pelham 124
June 24th - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
June 29th - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (tv), The Proposal
June 30th - Shaun of the Dead (dvd)
July 1st - Public Enemies

Holy shit right? I have seen almost every movie currently in theatres. Gonna see Transformers again in IMAX when I get back to Nova Scotia, and Ice Age 3 in 3D.

Reviews later.

Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
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I liked it.
Brad Pitt got sexy.


The Notebook

I've already seen Twilight twice. I've been doing that a lot, watching things twice. I bought the first book too, almost done. I'm a sad human being. My persona is a shame.... damnit... no. Um, I've seen a lot lately, Office Space for one. Amazing ^_^

Continuing with the initial topic:

I have no right saying anything about The Notebook, I really don't. Its like Donnie Darko. Not in the literal sense, but they are both movies people say you should see. I tried, for both. The latter just bored me to tears and as far as The Notebook goes... it did the same, who am I kidding. So, in light of that, I skipped through the movie, stopping when something caught my eye, and here is my analysis of the film.

The were young, fell in love, god knows how.


Girl parents disapprove of their love I guess, he's a country boy, she's a city girl. Whatever.


She is with a friend and some kid, she's older now, then she sees him, Ryan Gosling, or, Noah as he is called in the film.

(note: I've never spelt "sees" before in my life and damn does it look weird... I've said it....)


Girl, oh, well, her name is Allie. Anyway, she runs to the shore when Noah is pulling in a boat, they kiss, they go inside, lame sex scene follows, and I mean LAME.


Stuff happens briefly between them and this other guy. Old man finishes reading the story.


Old woman says that the story is about her and this man supposedly named Duke, reading to her. He is actually Noah and the old woman is actually Allie. Yeah, like I needed to watch the first hour and a half to know that was fucking coming. I saw it in the first 5 minutes! Plus, I knew nothing of this movie to begin with.


Old woman in the hospital, old man sneaks in, they die in their sleep, together in a hospital bed it would seem.

So fucking lame. Everything in between was useless filler. This movie could have been 10 minutes long and still conveyed the same point. I won't fully trash it because I didn't watch the whole thing, its just didn't grab my attention whatsoever. But, that being said, its a typical love story film. Boy meets girl, falls in love, parents don't approve, thrust apart, meet up later in life. The twist here was this whole youth love thing was being told as a story, from a book, read by the old man Noah. The story he was reading was Allie's journal, and Allie was the old woman he was reading too. I guess she had some issues with her mind and didn't remember anything until her diary was read to her.

Yup... that'll be all.
Not a fan. Can't say I like wasting 2 hours of my life on filler. Dunno what everyone else is so happy about this movie for, honestly. I could have been watching Hot Fuzz.... um, I also didn't like the time period. It pissed me off...


First Ever Review While Watching - Twilight

I'm ganna write a review the proper way, as I'm watching the movie!
Actually, that's not the proper way, but I forget shit like, 5 seconds after I see it, so this is best. (excuse all typos, this has been written over a 2 and a half hour period, and I no longer care about spelling)

I'm watching Twilight right now and here are my thoughts 30 minutes in. Oh, wait, before I start, the vampire characters were said to have been adopted from Alaska, which is ironic cause I immediatly thought of 30 Days of Night, which takes place in Alaska, vampires. hahaha.

Funniest parts so far - Bella's dad's Native friend sitting in his wheel chair and saying "I'm down with the kids" while doing typical gang hand signs. Bella's dad responds with "Yeah... sure..."

Edward is trying to explain to Bella why his eyes were black the other day but are now brown, he says "it has to do with the florescent lighting and..." then just walks away, mid sentence. Priceless.

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Anyway, the film so far is intriguing. Its weird how it captures your attention like it does. The character development is HORRIBLE and this really does feel like a movie ment for the fans of the book. You don't know anything about any of the people, only the initial perception you gain upon first meeting. Though, it still draws you in. So far, everything has happened quickly with very little attention being given to any subject. Bella almost being killed by a car is miniscule happenings. I'm thinking this would have worked better as a mini series rather then a movie, but alas. Every other character except Bella and Edward are annoying as shit. They all have massive personality flaws that make them intollerable. The Asian guy who runs the school newspaper holds up a worm exclaiming to Bella "Its a worm! a worm!" while laughing histerically as if he has never seen one in his life. Considering they are in rainy Washington, that's an unbelievable reaction to a worm sighting.

Continueing on.
The way Edward talks reminds me of Star Trek William Shatner. Its annoying as fuck. He speaks in broken sentences and the initial conversations he has with Bella seem very forced, and its likely the director intended for that to happen, but you can tell they both want to say something but won't. That gets irritating as they continue to converse. I also didn't understand why Edward hated the sight and smell of Bella when they first met. This was his "black eyed" day, so I'm assuming it'll have something to do with that.

Okay, we're at the 1 hour marker.
Just got to the point where Bella tells Edward she knows he's a vampire. Super.

Okay, I don't remember anything that happened lol.
No, um, Edward has mad driving skills, like MAD skillz. He can do super shit, yatta yatta, its kinda neat. He stopped talking all weird too.

I want to discuss Bella's Native friend. That guy is cool. He should be in a lot more scenes. I like his acting a lot, he plays his character well and with fantastic charisma. He's a pleassure to watch indeed.

On the other side, I don't really like Bella's acting at this point. I have this pet peeve with a game called Oblivian, you might have heard of it, cause unfortunatly, its the best selling RPG on the 360. Anyway, the characters in that game all have no facial expressions. Their voices show emotion to a degree, but thier faces do nothing to portray it. Their mouths move, thats it. With Bella, I feel she is the opposite of these Oblivion characters whereas she has great facial expressions, and they really do tell a thousand words, especially opposed to Edward, but her voice is completely mono tone, no matter what she is saying. If she's with friends, talking to Edward, her father, the Native kid, and even when she just told Edward she knew he was a vampire and wasn't afraid, yet it never changes. That is annoying for sure. I feel the best way to portray your feelings is to through the expression of your voice, and like in the Japanese culture, vocal expression is the difference between a simple "yes" and "fuck you". I'm thinking this may be intentional to Bella's character, it would certainly make sense, but then, why the fuck are people attracted to her? Why is she accepted so fast, everyone wants to be her friend, etc. That's odd, cause she's not that friendly and not a people magnet.

Let's continue.
OHHH! At 64 minutes, gotta throw this in before I forget, best line yet! "Your smell, its like a drug to me. Like my own personal brand of heroine" man was that well written. This whole bit is awesome right now, as was that. I mention this because it gives insight to why he was offended by her smell at the beginning, he wanted to kill her and drink her warm red shit. That makes sense, its also lame sounding.

That whole bit I discussed about shit happening fast was good. It got all the crap out of the way.

I'm at like, 85 minutes and I have to write now. I was just at a point where I thought to myself "I have to read this book series". I've never felt that way before while watching a movie based on a book. But anyway, the shit Edward says is funny when he calls out Bella. Like, "Wait, you're not worried about being in a house full of vampires, you're worried about if my parents will like you?" that is just priceless, he's done it a few times now and I like it. I also want to mention the diction really quick. Its spectacular. I need a fucking dictionary next time I see this movie so I can learn all these things and sound smarter.

Okay, the Native guy. He knows they are vampires. I know he does. Its obvious now. That's kind of odd. His son clearly doesn't, he just knows the silly legends and stories daddy taught him, but the elders do. That makes things interesting and I want to be proven right later on.

I like how Edward is acting in general now toward Bella. He's entertaining to watch and listen to. The scene in the woods when he was explaining everything was heart pounding. It was very deep and you were just waiting to hear what he would say next. Quite interesting. This section of the film was really written well. Oh yeah! Lions and lambs! That was great. Edward refers to he and Bella as the lion and the lamb, respectively. Then Bella says "The stupid lamb" and Edward responds with "and the sick (some word I couldn't understand) lion" then they chuckle. Loved that line.

Ahah, newest vegetarian. At the start when Bella came to the new school, she asked who these kids were, the vampires actually, and her new friend explained this and that about each, and she said "this one guy is so-and-so, he always looks like he's hurting" and now I get it. He is the newest vampire to that particular family, and he looks like he's always hurting because he is struggling to not eat humans, as Edward puts it, he's "the newest vegetarian".

Its official, I'm... ehhh... 80 minutes here, Bella's father is fucking awesome. He's so funny. What els eis official is that this is the longest review I've ever written. Anyway, Bella tells her father Edward is right outside and wants to meet him, meanwhile, her father is cleaning a shotgun. He snaps it closed and says "alright, bring him in" while holding the shot gun. Then Bella tells him to be nice and he circles a ring around his head, a halo. This guy is pricecless. Discussing baseball, "Bella's ganna play baseball? Um.. good luck with that..." hahaha.

Let's just say Edward is a deep character. He is fasinating at every moment. He hides things, then shows them, and its neat watching him progress, kinda like reading this review.

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Okay, movies done now, so, final thoughts time.
It was 12 minutes to long I think. Much like my feeling after watching the latest Batman, The Dark Knight twice, there was a defining point in this movie where it could have ended and everyone would have been content. That being said, the way they did end this left it WIDE open, which means that when they wrote the script, they already wanted to make two sequels for the other two books. That's very evident.

Cam. Fuck I love him. He is so badass in everything he plays. I think if he were a good guy in anything the world would be thrown off his axis. I'm very glad for him to get this part, it makes him a bigger actor, his presence is short lived though. He dies so.... unconventionally. Its meaningless, his role in this film. It seems the writers thought it needed a little bit of conflict so they threw in a 15 minutes chase and death scene. Not that I'd call it that, we saw nothing. Here's the good part though, I was thinking while Cam, who's character is James, was doing the chase of Bella, to try and kill her, I figured there was going to be some lame ass fight scene, that they would turn a good movie into bullshit with one simple action, basically, create another Covenent. Not that I didn't like the Covenent, its just the fights were fucking retarded. For that matter, all the super power displays in this movie were retarded. They weren't even neseccary at all. I would have been fine with them just saying "oh yeah, I'm super fast, I can climb high shit and jump really far" but no, they had to show it. The jumping from tree to tree thing looked SO lame, like, Edward jumped completely horizontal. There was no lift from his leap or fall. There should have been! It doesn't take much to pull on the suppost cable and then he goes up! Wow! Wicked concept! I bet the editor got that footage and was like "what... the fuck...".

Well, they did successfully carry the story all the way threw. Bella's almost dying scene was nice. I liked how she showed some emotion there! Though, the last section of the movie, while being hunted and shit, Edward got on my nerves with some of his antics about protecting Bella. Dude, chill, there are 7 of you to kick one guys ass, which you successfully did, and quite quickly I might add.

I really liked this movie. When everyone was hyped for it, I was kinda curious as to how it would turn out. I haven't read any of the books, that's not to say I haven't heard of them, I did know what they were about, vaguely. But I mean, when people get hyped about things, it makes me wonder if its ganna be a blow out or not. I really wish this movie hadn't gotten labelled as a teen flick, just some lame ass romantic drama between kids. Its so much more then that. it has a lot of redeeming qualities. Unfortunatly, not a lot of people are going to see that. Like, the shots were amazing, some of the scenery was very impressive, while the way they managed to maintain the grungy look throughout and keep with the vision for the film was fantastic. I am impressed. The story was deep. It was involving. Though the character development wasn't fully there, the interactions between Bella and Edward felt warm and they were exciting. Its not every day you see a movie like this, so the characters feelings and actions were amusing to watch. I want people to know about this, and that it isn't what everyone thinks it is. This isn't High School Musical or Harry Potter, this is legitimately good film making and story telling.

I watched this for one reason, I believed the hype. I wanted to see what it was all about. I've been doing that a lot lately and I've enjoyed what I am seeing. I have to stay on the pulse of pop culture, that is important to me, and this is something I will tell people about. Minds need to be changed on subjects like this movie and I cannot wait until they release the next one.

- end longest review ever and first time doing so while watching the movie -



Before I get carried away, yes I saw Quantum of Solace, TWICE!!! I saw it opening night, which was Friday, then a few days later on Monday. It was badass and better the second time. Twilight is still on my list. I was also accused today of being an uncool High School Musical watcher. That's not true! I only saw the first one! Fuck you Lauren! You watch Corner Gas and think that's good! And Gossip Girl is awesome! Fuck you Lauren! You hurt my feelings.... anyway.... ahem....

ANCHORMAN mother fuckers!

Okay, the first time I saw this movie, I didn't like it, at all. Let me explain why. I was at this school event called Fast Blast, we fasted for Africa, 30 hours without food, it was fun, we stayed the night at the high school, which became our playground. In the library, where the girls stayed, all cozy and warm, we put on Anchorman for entertainment, which it wasn't because we were all too hopped up on caffine, to many people to entertain me already, and to much potential fun to be had. I got through 20 minutes before declaring it retarded.

What one needs to know before watching Anchorman:
- pay full attention, the entire movie consists of quotable lines.
- don;t be on a sugar high, though it helps to be slightly tired so things become more funny
- disregard the fact you see gross 70's chest hair a fair amount of times
- pretend for 1 hour and 36 minutes that Ron Burgandy is not Will Farrell.

Okay, let's begin.
It was fucking hilarious. I did all of the above, which made it better. The only reason I even gave this a second shot was because a guy I know kept quoting the film the other day and it made me laugh. This thing truely is a gem as far as funny lines go.

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The forced action was retarded though, like the news anchor fight in a back lot. What.The.Fuck.
Clearly the best part was the news team itself. I hated Christina Applegate's character, she was annoying and bitchy, but the guys, together, reminded me a lot of the comedy created among the crew in Employee of the Month. Priceless.

Brick, played by what's his face from the Office was PHENOMENAL! Everything he said was gold. He plays a slightly retarded guy on the team, the weather man, and never understands the situation. At the end, in the bear pit, everyone is fighting bears off them and he is riding one like a horse, then he cuddles with it later on. The best line in the whole movie was when the news team is complaining about this new girl taking their air time and yelling at their boss and Brick just stands up and screams "LOUD NOISES!" just to be heard. Did I ever laugh! That was an amazing scene.

Anyway, you want the quotable movie of the decade, that's the one. Give it a shot, or two, if you're like me, and see how it turns out and what you remember.
I am tired right now, so I can't remember dick, but yeah, check that shit out.