23 skidoo

I just got back from the chat...

And man was it depressing. Damn.

I feel the insatiable need to beat some ass

What is with all this damn roleplaying? I can't even find a good conversation on chat anymore. What the hell is this shit? Dammit chat. DAMMIT. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.

I should feel like a bad person, but I don't

My utter disdain for online relationships probably prevents this from happening. And the realization that Koba will just hop to another girl in a matter of weeks anyway. God, are they really all so short-sighted? Logs eventually, with hilarious commentary included. Pic related, it's my attitude towards this whole thing.

Piss. A whole bottle full of it.

Kids these days, and their obsession with death. Back in my day we used to be obsessed with life. Sometimes I wonder why I get on the chat. Sometimes I wonder why I even turn my computer on at all. I could be doing other things. I could write a story. I could start a band. I could show up on girlfriend's lawn, wearing nothing but an acoustic guitar and my heart on my sleeve. I could break into that abandoned warehouse in town. Sometimes I wonder why I get on the chat. I'm just tired of 13 year olds and their obsession with death. Sure, when you're young and an asshole, death seems pretty cool. You're distant from it then. But at some point people seem to realize: "Hey, I've only got a limited amount of time on this world, and I haven't even begun to fulfill my dreams," but they're too old then. Far too old. And then they can't move to New York or travel across Europe or fall in love because they spent too long waiting around and not enough time doing things. Carpe diem, motherfuckers. Seize the goddamn day and don't let it go, ever. You think you have tomorrow, but you really don't. Money can be earned back. Time can't. I'd rather waste money than time. Whenever some dick talks about how their life isn't worth living, I'd like to hand them a noose and tell them to get it over with. It sickens me. Given, we all have bad days and bad weeks and bad months and bad years even, but we've got to hang on. We're not dead and we still have a chance. We should use it. But no. We stay inside and mope and wallow and don't even try to wring something useful from our self-pity. When I think of just how transparent everything is, it's crushingly depressing. But I realize that I can't stay that way for long. I'm wormfood, guys. You are too.

We can't stop the sun, but we can make him run.

I've discovered something

It is my moral and ethical obligation to do amazing things every day. Doing anything otherwise would be a waste, and I'd essentially be spitting in the face of everyone who's ever lived, who ever will live, and (most of all) who never got the chance to live. I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure this out. But I feel like I've just woken up or something. I've got to become a creator instead of a passive observer. I think I owe this epiphany to the coalescence of several unrelated events: this (but mostly my reaction to it [see comments]), last night's coffee-fueled late-night writing extravaganza, some shit that I vaguely remember happening but can't quite recall (it's very impressionistic), some DIY-themed dream I had last night, and (most importantly, I feel) the strange and eerie recurrence of a quote from the Gospel of Thomas which I was entirely unfamiliar with before it pounced on me twice in the same day: first in a reading assignment for my creative writing class, and then on the reverse label of a Silver Jews record that I found for $6 at a local music store. It was:

If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you.
If you don't bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you.

Gentlemen, I've discovered the meaning of life.