Feelings Unknown

How come? How come I can't say how i feel? Maybe it because I didn't want my friends to worry. I diddn't want to say how i really felt. It be pointless. Even if they say " I will understand". They will never now the birdin i bare. I always felt bad for myself. Always thought I couldn't make it through life. But that one question..."Are you okay?". That question made me feel better so I would act happy infront of friends. But I don't always act. When I'm truely happy I would never act have fun not rembering my past, present, or even my furture. Just when I was happy I wanted to bottle that moment up or something to keep it with me forever. But I new that my happiness would float away somehow. Do demons hate me? No because I know somewhere out there some else has it worst. Then when I got use to the consept. I was more happy. Thinking who ever made fun of me hade no life or hade something wrong with there life. But when I look back I been pushed around so much it didn't matter. I got used to it...but I could never protect myself. Never pretecting the things around me. Witch bothered me the most. The feelings inside of me why don't they ever come out? Is it because I'm scared to say them? Is it because I'm to quiet? I will never now I will just sit there quietly...Watching everyone having a good time. Either pretending to have a good time or not... I will be here forever. If people like it or not. My body will still be in the earth when I perish. So everyone who hates me for some reason. "I will be here forever" but I could never say what I feel so hopefully they have relized I won't go easily in the night.