Why did I write this fic? I was bored and couldn’t sleep myself. At least that’s when I started it. Stayed up until almost three just to finish up the first couple paragraphs. The rest was done the next morning after I woke up. A few tweaks have been made since I let a friend read it, but more or less it was just adding a few details and correcting spelling errors.
An additional note for my theO readers: I didn’t nominate this one for publication for a reason. Mainly that reason is that I’m not sure how the mods would feel about a fic where a certain trait or weakness is added to a character for the sake of a humor fic. Other than that, enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Shaman King in any way, nor do I own Avatar: the Last Airbender (slight reference later on) or You Tube.
12:33 am.
I’m still not asleep yet?!
Tao Ren swore he went to bed at 10:45. Yet now he lay on his side, staring at the digital alarm clock, which read 12:33 am in green neon digits. He hadn’t slept a wink since then, he was sure of that. A low gurgle in his stomach caught his attention. He couldn’t possibly be hungry at this late hour. For goodness’ sake, he already ate hours before! Another gurgle. Could he? He heard a mouse scurrying about in the corners of the room. Why hadn’t Jun set the mouse traps yet? Oh right, she thinks they’re “cute” and “harmless”. See how “harmless” they are, then why do you scream every time you see one in the bathroom? he thought. His stomach growled again. Merely to get his organs to shut up, Ren reluctantly sat upright, got off the bed he was “sleeping” on, and walked out of the room into the kitchen. After recovering from the brief blinding of the just-turned-on-light, he stepped onto the cold tile floor. There probably isn’t anything in the fridge… he thought to himself, turning his glance from the white box to the cupboards. But then I don’t want to take my chances in there either; the mice probably have eaten through all that's there. So he opened the fridge anyway.
Surprisingly enough, there was actually some milk left. And if it weren’t his luck, the peaches hadn’t gone bad yet either. Thinking just a portion of each would satisfy his insistent midnight munchies, he pulled out the milk jug, still half-full, and one of the peaches. Pouring some of the milk into a glass, he put the jug back in the refrigerator and sat down at the table to enjoy his snack. And hopefully afterwards he could sleep.
“Psst… Hey Ren.”
Seeing no one around who could have uttered what he just heard, Ren concluded that his sleep deprivation was getting to him and took a bite out of his peach, followed by a sip of milk.
“Ren!”
Ren didn’t even bother looking in the direction of the voice this time and continued eating. If I’m starting to hear things, then I’m gonna be pissed if I still can’t sleep.
“REN!”
Okay, either I’m getting really delusional or someone wants me dead and spiked the milk, Ren thought, now more or less irritated by the repetitive voice. He didn’t notice anything different about the milk, so was it the peach that was contaminated? The orange chucked in his direction didn’t give him much time to think.
“Heeey, why’d you have to throw my orange?”
“Because it was the closest throwable object I could find! And why did you bring that thing with you anyway?!”
“Funga fu fu,” a familiar voice rang out as the orange, its husk now cracked by the impact of Ren’s fist flinging it straight back in the direction it came, rolled back toward them.
“Yoh,” Ren finally spoke aloud, seething and glaring murderously in the direction of the voice, “What the heck are you doing in my kitchen?”
Two people emerged from the rather wide crack between the fridge and the counter. One had blue, normally spiky but at that moment more ruffled and bead-headed than anything hair and a black headband with blue markings on it covering his forehead. Instead of his normal attire, he wore a plain white shirt and a pair of shorts. The second person, the orange-roller, had dark brown hair held back by a pair of orange, bulky headphones and dark eyes. His shirt matched that of the first, but instead of shorts he wore long pants and the same bear-claw necklace he always wore.
“I should’ve known you were behind this somehow,” Ren thought aloud upon seeing the blue-haired boy. “But seriously, what are you doing in my kitchen?”
“… I actually don’t know,” the brunet responded, looking about in a confused manner. “Wait… what AM I doing here?! Horo, you said we were just going to pull some harmless pranks around town!”
“We ARE,” Horohoro, or Horo for short, replied. “This was going to be one of them.”
Ren raised an eyebrow at the two boys.
“What were you two planning to do to me?!” He growled through gritted teeth.
“Well…” Horo started, “We were going to get a picture of you sleeping and snuggling your tiger plushie that by now we all know you have.” It was the Ainu’s turn to evade flying fruit as Ren threw what little was left of his peach at his face.
“Tough luck, I haven’t been able to sleep since 10:45,” Ren angrily responded as he finished the last of his milk and tossed the plastic cup into the sink.
“Hey, so have we,” Yoh blurted randomly.
“So you decided to go pulling pranks on people since you couldn’t sleep?”
“Pretty much,” Horo answered bluntly. “Say, since you can’t sleep either, want to join in? You won’t believe what we have planned for the X-Laws.” Ren just stared at Horo quizzically.
“They’re still here?”
“Oh yeah… never mind, scratch that plan then. But who’s left to prank?” This question led Ren to think, probably along different lines than the other two were. Finally a devilish grin erased his pensive expression.
“I have an idea…”
By idea, of course, he meant kicking them out of his apartment. But Horo interpreted it differently and didn’t even let him carry out the plan before all three were out of the apartment and in an alleyway where they could secretly plot their plots of secret-ness.
“You know by idea I meant to –“
“Get out of your kitchen?” Horo interrupted him. “Yeah, but I figured it would be more fun if we dragged you along into our mischief-making against your will.”
“And just what kind of mischief making,” Ren began, “Are we talking about, aside from trying to humiliate me?”
“Well…”
“How come you guys have gotten all of the speaking parts so far?” Yoh asked, fed up with his silence.
“You just wouldn’t speak up,” Horo replied.
“Well, I have somewhat of an idea…”
“Spit it out,” Ren barked. “I want to get this over with so I can go home and sleep.”
“… You know Hao is afraid of tomatoes?”
“Yoh, are you sure you’re not on something?” Horo asked, utterly confused at this declaration.
“No, I’m serious,” Yoh affirmed. “Hao may act tough, but his biggest fear is that an army of tomatoes will take over the world.” Horo and Ren continued to stare in utter disbelief.
“You know,” Ren started, “That this info would’ve been very useful during the Shaman Fight, right?!” Yoh shook his head in denial.
“Nope, it wouldn’t have worked then. His tomato fear began after the last possible time we had any access to tomatoes during the Shaman Fight.”
“So then what do you plan on doing with Hao’s fear of tomatoes?” Ren asked.
“You see,” Yoh began, “Last I checked he hides out in a secret tunnel underneath the Funbari cemetery.”
“Wouldn’t that be a bit… odd?”
“I was kidding, he doesn’t hide out in a secret tunnel,” Yoh corrected himself. “He’s just in a cave. The secret tunnel thing was something I saw on an American cartoon they were showing the other day on TV that Anna was watching. You know, that one with the bald kid with an arrow on his head who’s actually over a hundred years old and can control the elements?”
“You mean Avatar?” Horo asked. Ren just facepalmed and glared angrily at the stupidity of the two people before him.
“Yeah, that one!” Yoh recalled. “So we’ll go to Hao’s secret lair, and barricade it with tomatoes.”
“Yoh,” Ren said, “That’ll take until morning to actually see the look on his face, which we won’t. We’d just hear his horrific screams from the other side of the barricade.”
“Then we’ll wake him up, and while he’s still half-asleep we’ll pelt him with them!”
“No offense Yoh,” Horo began, “But that wouldn’t exactly go over well. However, I do kind of feel the need to actually take advantage of this newly discovered weakness…” Horo began the prankster’s thought process as Yoh and Ren stood in silence, Ren wondering just how stupid these people could get, and Yoh being genuinely curious as to what Horo was plotting. Then he finally spoke up.
“I’ve got it!” Horo declared triumphantly.
“So you finally have a brain?” Ren asked sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean, shark-hair?! I’ve always had a brain!”
“Not that I’ve seen. And shark-hair? So what if my hair sticks up in a point, at least it’s not multicolored like how your sideburns are black and the rest of it is blue! What did you do, only cover the forehead down one day when trying to keep warm?!”
“Guys, stop!” Yoh intervened before a fight broke out. “Now what’s your plan, Horo-kun?”
“Well…” Horo began.
“Are you sure this’ll work?” Yoh asked, holding one end of Hao’s body while Horo had the other. They were now in the fruit and vegetable isle of a supermarket that was closed down for the night, while Ren stood watch at the door reluctantly. Their objective, and Horo’s “ingenious plot,” was to put Hao in a bed of tomatoes, which they were about to do by leaving him smack in the middle of the tomato rack- shelf-thing… whatever it was called. They gently lifted him and placed him in a position where he wouldn’t damage their little red minions. After handcuffing his left hand to the railing keeping the vegetable stand up, that was it. They were done. All they had to do was attentively watch the news the next morning to see what resulting chaos would ensue.
“So this is all we’re gonna do tonight?” Yoh asked.
“Well, we could possibly –“ Horo’s suggestion was interrupted by a rather loud yawn on his part. “Yeah, this is it for tonight. Better head to bed and see our results in the morning.”
Sure enough, the next morning’s news broadcast carried with it the fruits of their labors.
“Yoh?” Anna asked that morning upon noticing that he was awake and standing in the living room behind her.
“Uh, yeah?”
“Did you have anything to do with that?” She pointed to the TV, showing footage of Hao writhing and flailing at the tomatoes before him with the most fear-stricken expression on his face that you could imagine. As he futilely called out for the Spirit of Fire, who was nowhere in sight and still snoozing in the secret cave, the police failed in their attempts to calm him down and had to resort to tranquilization.
“No, of course not. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious,” his fiancée’ replied before continuing to watch the TV, whacking Horo away when he leaned over to watch as well. “As soon as you’re done with what you’re doing, get to work on those 5000 laps I assigned you yesterday that you never finished.” After a brief groan of complaint, Yoh began dialing the number to Ren’s apartment.
The videos were all over YouTube within hours, and soon the whole world knew of Hao Asakura as “the crazy Japanese guy who sleep-walked into the tomato section of a supermarket, despite his deathly fear of tomatoes,” or as some people affectionately called him, “Mister Tomato Man.”
Fiction: 07/01/08 | Posted By: cardcaptorryoko | | Shaman King | Tags:
First off, I understand that this idea may not be the most original concept in the world. But when you're in a high school English class and bored due to having already finished the assignment, you go with what you think of. On top of that after the first paragraph I almost made this an Avatar fic...
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach. 'Nuff said.
OOC/SCREWUP WARNING: I'm over 100 eps behind in the series, this is my first serious one-shot, and on top of that my first Bleach fic. So excuse me if I don't get everything spot-on.
It was raining, which was unusual for the time of year, since in that town it often snowed in the winter. But the low temperatures definitely affected the rain no less, almost solidifying it into a hail-like slush, I think many call such sleet. If I got the term wrong, I’m sorry; I live in Arizona and have my winter weather terms slightly confused beyond snow and hail. But sleet or no sleet, that wasn’t stopping him. He was intent on seeing her, on telling her how he truly felt before it was too late. And for that, he couldn’t wait for the weather to get better. The next day, he would be leaving, perhaps forever. I have to tell her in person, no matter what! He thought resiliently as he ran through the sleet-like concoction pouring from the sky, despite his lack of an umbrella or raincoat. Besides, he reminded himself, she doesn’t have long-distance.
“Gah, I can’t finish this stinkin’ essay!!! Aizen-sensei can’t possibly expect us to write FIVE PAGES on a flipping EXTRA CREDIT ASSIGNMENT!”
“Seriously? I’m already done,” Momo Hinamori responded into her cell phone, writing the very last word on said extra credit essay. She slipped the paper into her folder and placed it in her schoolbag for the next day. Her friend continued on the other end of the phone.
“Why did you even do the assignment, Momo-chan? It was extra credit, and you have an A in history already.”
“Wait… it was extra credit?”
Matsumoto went silent on her line of the phone, sitting at her computer working on aforementioned essay.
“Very funny, Momo-chan.”
“No really, it was extra credit?” Momo asked her friend, dead serious in her inquiry. Never before that point had it occurred to her that their homeroom teacher would assign such a hefty plate of work and label it as extra credit. Then again, it was Aizen-sensei. On her side of the conversation, Matsumoto dropped her cell phone and hastily picked it up again upon snapping out of her stunned stupor. “Ra –“
“Yeah, I’m here, sorry about that. For being at the top of the class, you’re kind of a ditz sometimes, ya know that?” Momo flushed in embarrassment.
“A-a ditz?” She replied, a panicked expression forming on her face that none was present in the room to witness. Matsumoto’s laughter rang out from the phone.
“Momo-chan, you take things way too seriously. Lighten up a little, will ya?” A sly smirk suddenly appeared across Matsumoto’s face. “Perhaps it’s about time you get a boyfriend.” This time it was Momo’s turn to drop the phone.
“Are you kidding, Rangiku-san? I-I-I’ve never been asked out before, and I’m too shy to do it myself!”
“Figures you’d be the old-fashioned, ‘it’s the guy’s job to ask’ type,” Matsumoto replied after a brief fit of laughter. “But you know, I’ve seen Hitsugaya-san steal a glance or two at you in the hallways. He was blushing to boot. Maybe he –“ Momo’s mocking laughter interrupted her thoughts.
“Shiro-chan? We’re just friends; it’s always been that way.”
“Oh, do you have any idea how many couples have gotten together that way? I mean, look at Shihouin-sensei and Urahara-sensei. They – wait… never mind, I’m not even sure they’re dating. But rumor has it… speaking of Hitsugaya, isn’t he moving soon?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot…” Momo replied, her voice suddenly dropping.
“Crap! Mom’s caught me not working! Gotta go!” And with that, Matsumoto hung up the phone on her end, and consequently Momo followed suit. She set the phone down on her night stand and collapsed onto her bed. Almost immediately the memories began to flood her mind, along with a seemingly indelible melancholy. From the day they first met, she and Toushiro had been close friends, despite the two year age difference. When he told her a month before that he was moving hundreds of miles away, she laughed it off, as though it were a joke or a bad dream, as if he were a permanent fixture in her life. Someone she could depend on in a pinch, even if he showed overall indifference a majority of the time. So he’s really leaving, she thought solemnly. Soon her thought pattern was shattered by a soft thump against the window.
At first she thought the rain had finally succumbed to the freezing cold and solidified to hail. But then it came again. It was almost repetitive, but not in the random “pattern” that rain beats upon a surface. She walked over to the window and opened it in between the fifth and sixth thump. When the sixth should have occurred, a small stone came in flying at her face. She frantically dodged it before it hit her and the rock fell on the soft, sand-colored carpet. After staring at the rock that could easily have left a goose egg on her forehead, or worse taken an eye out, she looked down from the window to see the source of the stone. It was him.
Noticing the rock hadn’t bounced off the window this time, Toushiro Hitsugaya looked up to the window in confusion. Did it break the window? He wondered. But no shattering sounds had been heard, and no glass shards had flown in his direction. As he thought of what else could have happened, a pang of fear struck his heart. Had she opened the window just as he threw it? Toushiro, you idiot! He thought, reprimanding himself and already thinking of what he may do if by some chance that stone had inflicted any mark upon her in any way. But the look on her face as she leaned over the window to peer down at him, it wasn’t with flinching or in anger. In fact, upon noticing him, her face showed more surprise and concern than anything. She pulled her head back in and the window shut. After that, he didn’t know what to expect. Did she even remember he was moving? When he told her, she just laughed it off. He was almost left as if to wonder if she even cared.
After closing the window, she rushed down the stairs as quick as her little feet could carry her. Why is he here now? Shouldn’t he be packing? Did something come up? Whatever it was, it must have been of extreme importance for him to throw a rock at the window to get her attention. Many other questions in addition to these burned in her mind as she flung open the front door.
"Shiro-chan!"
He turned around to see her standing in front of the now closed front door of her house, umbrella in hand. He finally realized what must have caused her concern: the weather and his lack of proper rain gear. It was just like her, too. Always sweating the small stuff. He returned her stare, and the two just stood as they were. Finally Toushiro gathered the courage to break the silence.
“Uh, hey,” he greeted her in his usual manner, trying to the best of his ability to detract attention from the pink tint that began to color his normally pale cheeks.
“Shiro-chan,” Momo replied, now tossing an extra umbrella to him. “Don’t you have any concern for your health? It’s freezing out here, and it’s been raining for hours!” He caught the umbrella, but he didn’t even bother to open it.
“First off,” he began, “I wouldn’t care if we were in the middle of a hurricane if we were in the same situation as we are now, I would’ve come here regardless!” He took a step toward her, and then another, and still another until they were standing face to face. Though he was shorter than her, the height difference mattered little to either of them. What mattered was that he made it here, and he intended to tell her flat out how he felt. “Second,” he continued, “You… know we’re leaving tomorrow, right?”
“T-Tomorrow?!” Momo stammered in shock and disbelief, her eyes already beginning to brim with tears. She hadn’t realized that it was so soon. Does that mean he’s here to say goodbye? She braced herself for the stinging word, but instead was faced with something totally different. Not even a second after, he pulled her into a tight embrace. She didn’t understand. Would he just leave her with that single gesture, and not even a word? She couldn’t tell which would be worse, which would leave a bigger hole in her heart. Why she was feeling such dread at the thought of losing him, not being able to see his face again, she didn’t know either. As she had explained to Matsumoto earlier that evening on the phone, they were only friends, nothing more. Or were they…? She was still in this state of perplexed and pained confusion when he uttered the three words in her ear that, at least in her mind, couldn’t have come at a worse or better time.
"I love you."
The confession rendered her speechless, and this time she had no chance of fighting back the tears. They weren’t merely tears of sorrow – though partially they were – but more tears of joy, relief, and understanding. For what seemed like an eternity, they remained in that same embrace, the slushy rain beating on and then sliding off the surface of Momo’s pink umbrella. He needed no words to interpret her answer. Their reverie was soon interrupted by the ringing of Toushiro’s cell phone. It was a text message from his parents.
Last-minute change of plans. The owners of the other house decided they don’t want to sell.
Not allowing himself even a moment of hope, feeling something would instantly go wrong as soon as he did, he quickly typed in his reply.
Meaning?
“You have to go soon?” Momo interrupted the silence, surprising even herself that her voice didn’t break. Moments after he pressed the send button he received his reply.
we're staying.
The “Couple” stood looming over the cell phone, dumbfounded by what they read. Momo’s heart seemed to leap for joy, whereas Toushiro… looked almost half embarrassed. His confession was for nothing. He could’ve waited until he was better prepared, until the weather was better, maybe even by that time he would be a little taller. Yet now he felt a lot lighter, as though a burden had been lifted from him. Before he could even regain his typical too-cool attitude, Momo glomped him in the biggest tackle-hug she could manage without causing them both to topple over into the sidewalk. Another text came in, this time from a classmate of theirs.
Hitsugaya! You won’t believe this, but Aizen-sensei just admitted in front of the whole student council that he’s GAY!
Fiction: 05/13/08 | Posted By: cardcaptorryoko | | Bleach | Tags: bleach, hinamori, hitsugaya, momo, toushiro
Some may ask if I was on crack when I wrote this. In response, I tell them no. Heck, I don't even do drugs. Yet somehow I had the patience to whip this up in three days.
Though this is a one-shot, it's rather lengthy (10 pages on Word)...
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Fiction: 04/25/08 | Posted By: cardcaptorryoko | | Fullmetal Alchemist | Tags: fullmetal alchemist, parody
Technically there is a very very slight cross-over in the introduction of an animal that primarily appears in the manga and anime King of Bandit Jing towards the end, but for one reason or another the Crossover Anime section is no longer existant as far as I can try to guess from the category list, so since it's mostly a Shaman King fic, I'm hoping the category I placed it in is appropriate.
Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King or King of Bandit Jing.
“Funga fu fu…”
“How long are you going to keep doing that?” Manta asked as he watched his friend lazily roll the orange back and forth on his desk, towards him and then away from him.
“Funga fu fu,” Yoh ignored him as he continued in his activities… or lack thereof? The lazy shaman was interrupted when a certain blonde-haired menace snatched the orange from his desk. “Hey, what was that for?” Yoh asked, looking up at the blonde, who now had her hand wrapped around the captive orange.
“Why is it that every time I give you an orange in your lunch, this happens?” Anna met her fiancé’s bewildered stare with her usual icy glare. “Honestly, you need to shape up.”
“But Anna-“
“No buts,” Anna interrupted as she began peeling the orange in preparation to eat it. “Or should I further increase your training…?”
“No, please, anything but that!” Yoh pleaded, crying little anime-style waterfalls as he watched Anna eat his precious orange.
“What was that? You want extra training?” At this, Yoh saw no other option but to shut up and pray she wouldn’t go through with the threat as she walked out of the classroom to her homeroom, still eating away at the boy’s precious orange…
“Talk about being whipped. You’re even worse than Lyserg. Jeanne has that boy almost literally under her thumb; kinda funny if you ask me.”
Tao Ren sat at his desk on the opposite end of the classroom, looking ever aloof as usual. He took a bite out of the peach he held in his right hand while his chin rested in his left. “This, you see, is why I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Really now…?” another voice asked slyly from his desk just behind Ren’s.
“What would you know, Ainu-baka?” the Tao turned around to face the blue-haired perpetrator.
“Come on now, I saw you looking at that girl from class A-3 during the Sports Festival last year. Your daydreaming cost our class the relay race!”
“Shut your face!” Ren’s hair began to twitch upward slightly at this point as he continued glaring at Horohoro.
“Why should I? That blush on your face explains everything.”
“TOAST!”
Ren now decided to take out his anger on Chocolove and his poorly timed joke. Luckily, the teacher was out on lunch break at that time and wasn’t there to report the enraged Tao for violence against the high school’s sole American foreign exchange student… again.
“Speaking of love interests,” Manta finally spoke up, “Isn’t Valentine’s Day coming up soon?”
“YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?! PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S JUST A JOKE!” Yoh panicked, now on the floor begging at Manta’s feet… Hey, when I said “on the floor,” I meant that quite literally.
“Nope, I’m not… why would I be?”
“IgottagogetsomethingforAnnabeforeshekillsmelikelastyearbye!” And with that, Yoh was out the door.
“I thought that here in Japan, the girl gives the guy something on V-Day...” Horo asked, not even bothering to check if Yoh actually heard what he said.
“Since when were Yoh and Anna anything like a normal couple, might I ask?”
“Hey, do you think she’ll like this?”
Yoh came back into the room carrying in his arms a small, pink, mascot-like creature with large brown eyes, black, pointed ears, and a thin, zig-zagged tail with a pink ball of fluff at the end. To top it all off, the creature had clawed… paws? Yes, we’ll call them paws.
“Yoh,” Ren asked, “What on earth… is that?” he pointed at the pink fuzz ball Yoh was holding.
“… I don’t really know. I just found it on the school grounds. It looked like it was lost, so…” Yoh placed the creature gently on his desk.
“You do realize,” Horo started, “That when Sensei sees that, you’ll have to take it back outside, right?”
“But,” Yoh whined. “It’s too cute! Sensei wouldn’t let this thing out in the cold, would she?”
“Yoh, what cold? The weather’s actually been warmer than usual for this time of year.”
“But still, that’s not the point!” Yoh insisted, waving his arms back and forth SD-style… and making the mistake of tipping over the pink creature.
KA-BOOM!
“What just happened?!” a random girl from another class ran into the room upon hearing the explosion from another room. The classroom, needless to say, was a mess. The pink creature was gone. Everyone in the room had soot on their faces, and it’s a surprise that not one of the shamans, or anyone else in the room, was severely injured by the explosion of the cute yet dangerous creature that is the Por Vora. “Oh, it’s class A-2. Of course. Hey, someone call in the nurse! There was an explosion again in classroom A-2!”
“So much for getting a chance to ask your dream girl out, Ren.”
“Kisama(1)! I do NOT like her!”
Translation note 1: "kisama," at least as I've heard it used, means "bastard."
Fiction: 03/19/08 | Posted By: cardcaptorryoko | | Shaman King | Tags: anna, asakura, chocolove, horohoro, king of bandit jing, manta, por vora, ren, shaman king, tao, yoh
This fic was originally uploaded on fanfiction.net on February 8, 2008; in this version there are some very slight changes in wording. A friend from school suggested the idea as I was thinking of writing a random one-shot related to D.Gray-Man. Sh...
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Fiction: 03/11/08 | Posted By: cardcaptorryoko | | D.Gray-man | Tags: bak, coffee, d.gray-man, fanfic, komui, one-shot
