This chapter is called "Behind"

It has definitely been a while since I've been back. Once again I feel myself falling lax in coming here as often as I should. I said I would be here more often and I suppose that I told the truth to an extent. Well at least I came back.

However upon returning I found that my main reason for returning to the otaku, the podcast, had ended. Insert table flipping emoticon here. In other words if I don't put any effort in for myself I don't really know the anything else interesting here. I don't know any other way to say it for it to not seem mean or condescending. Its no more than a mere option now, a "somewhere else" other than any other network. A different or slightly degenerate form of such. I will however give the otaku credit for not only having the podcast for so long and encouraging members to listen on their website but for also reminding me to give "Eyeshine" a chance. I can honestly say that Johnny's voice is SEXY on lead vocals.

I don't know if the moderators look at world posts at all but if they did I wouldn't be surprised if and/or when they see this that they scoff and take it down for insulting and belittling their site. But then again that would also be like slapping freedom of speech in the face... Wow it also seems like I am in a ranting mood, please excuse me.

In personal events I am trying very hard to move out of the house and neighborhood I grew up in by any means possible, either by dorming at my school or getting an apartment whatever happens, happens. Well, whatever is going to happen needs to happen a little faster because I need to be out before my place is demolished within the year. Still trying to get a job is not helping either, I mean come now is a chance really so much to ask for?... My conscious mind also brings to my attention that this question applies to other aspects of my life...

Aaaanyway, returning to my previous statements, yes I believe the otaku will be a tad less interesting without the weekly podcasts I so looked forward to listening to here. An aspiration of mine was to one day become as well known as the users who regularly commented and contributed to the podcast, but I only contributed one fun fact of information to Ichigo about the .hack//liminality series. From then on I just listened to the banter to the final episode but at least I contributed a little something. I remember my first comment to them as my original username Yumiko_Inu_Sis asking them what the opening song for the week prior was. I was kind of star struck I wont lie, "Oh my gosh, they read my comment on the air!!! Ahhh!!!" Good times.

Ok, I think it is best that this is all the damage I do in this post. Comment or rant back or curse me for my useless, non-informative and non-anime manga or video game relevant posts, whatever. Speak your minds, that's what the internet is for right? At least until censorship or the feds take over. Then again I guess there is also the possibility that no one will care, in that case... ok fine. Next. :D


So I think its about time I post something here seeing as how there are people looking at it and I can only imagine the disappointment when they see "Awww... There's nothing here yet. -sadface-".

My life is going to become somewhat more filled with things to do now that summer is pretty much over. Going back to school tomorrow for example, finally. And I know it might seem strange that I'm excited about this because, well dear god everyone hates school, right? I don't care if that makes me weird, if that's the case then so be it. The only thing that might make my jovial tune make sense is the fact that I'm not talking about high school. I'm a college girl going into my junior year. You see my point now right? I hope so.

But the good is never without the bad. You see it was a classic case of not knowing how to balance myself correctly. At first my freshman year was flawless, straight As and Bs across the board. Then I made friends and started getting a life outside of burying my head in text books, and I loved hanging out with them so much that I kind of put school on the back burner thinking everything was ok. That's why I'm on academic probation right now. Only two of my friends in real life know this (and my mother of course, yikes) because I'm trying to keep it a secret from everyone else I care about, for fear of what they will say or think if I do say anything about it. Like for example, "I told you so." But whom ever reads this is a third party who doesn't know me, my friends and is completely removed from the situation, so why not spill some beans here?

I guess I came back here looking for something, something that I know I've had in the past but never really found it or used it to its true potential. Call it what you will, courage, guts, balls, confidence, my voice. It's really the same thing. I need to find mine never the less. A lot of things are at stake if I don't. A chance to be with the one I love for example... But I guess I'll save that story for another time.

If you have any questions or advice or what not, fee free to comment if you would be so kind ^_^