well, things are getting better

I'm still upset over what my former "family-member" did but things will get better. I just have to keep telling myself that and keep looking up. being "down here" I know that there is an "up there" to look up to lol


why is it every time I turn around someone uses me? Life seems to be getting to the point where everyone I trusted betrays me. or they just use me, either one. well at least I am learning some important life lessons. . . the hard way but I'm still learning them though

Thinking of You

Thinking of you makes my stomach turn. Thinking of you makes that place where my heart once was before you ripped it out and cut it to a thousand little pieces grow dark with anger. Thinking of you is hard not to do but I'll get over you. You obviously are not someone I should have looked up to, I should not have seen you as a role model. I should never have gotten close to you, no, no I should not say that. What I should say is that I should never have allowed you to have gotten so close to me. I don't think that I ever was close to you. Certainly not as close as you led me to believe. I was no where near as close to you as your lies told me I was, I just have seen it. You were using me, you manipulated me and you betrayed me. You stabbed me in the back. I considered you as family, when my dad got remarried I thought you were. You proved with your own actions that I thought wrong. Very wrong indeed. But I'll get over you and what you did to me, how you hurt me, I'll get over that. I'll make sure of that because it is within my power to move on past you, over you, beyond you and to a better place. No matter what you say

It's hard getting over stuff

I should have seen it all coming, but I was just too blind. Now I'm left in the dark it seems cleaning up what's left. Picking up the remains and trying to rebuild myself. If I could have one thing, I would take it all back. I would never have let it gotten so far, I would never have allowed my defenses to have fallen so if I had known what was in store due to my actions. Due to my naïvety. I placed too much trust in you. You hurt me. When you left me in the dark you left me in several thousand broken pieces. I was just stunned, I was just blown away at how swift you were to stab me in the back. I couldn't move. How stupid I was not to turn around to look out for you. I should have known that you had pulled the wool over my eyes, but I trusted you. And that was my mistake.

Where do I begin?

I am so sick of lies! I have found out that one person in particular who I trusted has been lying to me for the past several years. When I found her out she tried to cover herself with MORE LIES. Gah! I'm so sick of it! It is so stupid! I'm so tired of it I'm just going to go to bed and come back later. Thinking about all of it is making my stomach turn