Who Is Your Detective Persona?

I am feeling fantastic! Thank you for asking!
Not bad, I suppose.
Not too good, actually. Your flowers are uneven, by the way. Do you mind fixing them? Or throwing them out?
To be honest, I'm really down on my luck right now.

That's good to hear. Have you booked any criminals lately? How many?

I lost count. And they never seem to slow down.
Oh, I'm never one to brag. Let's just say that I have my share of puzzles and fun.
Nada. Zip. Zilch. And I don't need you reminding me.
Criminals? I barely ever even deal with 'em!

Do you have an archrival?

Yes, but I'm not sure who it is. I have a few leads, but not much else.
Well, one comes to mind. He's clever, elusive and once nearly bested me in combat. A worthy adversary, indeed.
Yeah. I've been hunting him down for years. Backstabbing traitor.
Of course I have a rival! I won't rest until that good-for nothing sneak thief is behind bars!
Well, if you count the neighborhood bully, I suppose. Though he's kind of the village idiot, too...
Rivals? Every crook in town, pal! My job's never done! Why I'm so devoted I'll soon be paying my boss to work!

Ever caught him?

I've gotten close. I've also booked a high-profile criminal with ties to him.
Yes, I have confronted him before, and I thought it was the end of him. I'm almost certain I was wrong now.
No, but I will. Mark my word.
Nah, but I'm not too worried.

Why don't you describe yourself to me? 2-4 words, please.

Do you enjoy your work?

It's helpful, and I get paid for thinking. What's not to like?
It has its moments.
I'm practically married to my work!
It puts bread on the table. That's all I need.
It's practically a hobby sometimes.

What's your crime specialty?

Murder
Gang-related activity.
I dabble here and there. I suppose you can call me a jack-of-all-trades.
Grand theft. Mostly by the same guy.
I deal with a lot of murders, but I wouldn't call myself much of a specialist...

Do you have an assistant?

Yes, a delightful man, if a bit slow on the uptake sometimes.
Yeah, she's a big help.
No, I usually work alone.
Yeah, regrettably. Wish the kid would stop hassling me.

It has come to blows! How will you defend yourself?

If I really have to, I can fight pretty well. It's like I'm someone else entirely.
I can throw a few punches.
I'm trained in the sword, and my assistant carries a firearm.
I may look gentle, but I'm still pretty big.
I wish it would come to blows. I'd be all over that punk, but he's always running off on me!
I don't think I've ever had to defend myself. If there's any danger, I'm usually surrounded by police officers by the time I confront it.

Why are you a detective, anyway?

Because I need to be. I need peace of mind.
It's an amusing pasttime.
I'm good at it and I want to help people.
It's been my dream since I was a kid!
Because that lowlife scoundrel thief is going to respect me someday!
Old habits never die, I guess.

Do you work with the police?

Finally, what kind of client typically hires you?

Everyone in town. I get a lot of publicity.
No one. I'm in it because I need to know the truth.
People in the neighborhood. Occasionally the police.
I work for the force, I don't get clients.
I take all kinds of cases. I'm quite successful and somewhat renowned.
Well, technically I hire myself everytime that good-for-nothing burglar is involved.