Dec 25 – Site Update - Posted By SomeGuy
theO's Last Christmas...
Tradition time! Sadly, last year's illustrator is way the heck out of the country and as such could not help us with this year's Christmas post. So here's my proposal: if I see any quick fanart that gets made for any of the scenes in the below poem, I'll do my best to get them embedded into the story throughout the day!
* * * * * * * * * *
T’was the night before Christmas, and way down the hall,
Adam the founder had knocked down a wall;
He gathered the valuables buried within
And he darted away (like a boss) for the win.
His messages flew to his friends on WhatsApp
While he fumbled to pull up his GPS map;
He needed the team altogether that night,
To help ensure all that night’s plans went all right.
The team had instructions to meet at theO,
To settle the members and ready the show;
Adam had vowed to leave past in the past,
And promised tonight’d be a fun, joyous blast!
A curious thing, some would later suggest,
That Adam was well-overdoing his best;
He handed out cupcakes to all who were there,
And left IOUs at the seats that were bare.
The ‘ites became Legends, the Legends Eternal,
Eternals commissioned to Otaku Colonels;
Even banned members, pardons received,
Were free to enjoy the festivities heaved!
The staff didn’t question, but many were vexed,
“What plan was the Bossman enabling next?
It’s Christmas, it’s true, ‘tis time for good cheer,
But truly, he’s going too far!” was their fear.
So Sunfall’ the useful pulled Bossman aside
While the children filed in from the pathways outside;
Before he could ask, Sunfall’ smacked in his head,
And festively odd, Adam bled green and red.
“Alright,” Sunfall’ said, “something’s up and you know,
What’s with the extra-nice offerings, yo?”
Well Adam, all moved, shed a single blue tear,
(He claimed it was not for his green-bleeding ear.)
“It’s twenty-eleven,” Adam said with a sigh,
“In less than a year our whole world goes goodbye!
This is our last Christmas together, that’s why
I must make it the best one before we all get sent to another dimension!”
Sunfall’ was stunned, and the Boss dashed away,
Sharing new 3DSes and iPhones to play;
The treasures he buried indeed were quite grand,
And he made sure each member had one in each hand.
Once children were sated, he picked up a mic,
And guided those watching to Facebook and “like”;
And YouTube to favourite and Twitter to tweet,
“theO’s Christmas party was so gorram sweet!”
Good times were then had by the thousands in row,
As the shindig continued with show upon show;
Blissfully ignorant, everyone cheered,
Not knowing the bittersweet why for which that night was geared.
All save the folks who were behind the scenes,
Whom Sunfall’ filled in on the Bossman’s poor schemes;
They knew it seemed silly, but what else could they do?
Besides, it would suck if the doomsday was true.
“We’d best take precautions,” some said to the others,
“For saving our otaku sisters and brothers!
A temple, a vault, a safe haven at that…
…when worlds become broken, we hide in the Chat!”
The clock struck four-thirty, AM, eastern time,
And like clockwork our stupid site froze on a dime;
But those inside Chat could converse and be free
From the nightly site scans by that damn Adam G.
So I would like to say that from that Christmas on,
The team engineered twenty-twelve fears foregone;
They built up the Chat to house thousands of members,
And in there they rode out fire and the embers.
We can also imagine that Adam, all brave,
Stood outside the Chat to convene with the wave;
Saving our lives at the cost of his own,
For some forgotten reason he thought to atone.
But really, let’s face it, we’ve known all along,
That even the Mayans were totally wrong;
This won’t be the last Christmas shared at the site,
When twenty-thirteen comes, we’ll all be alright.
What actually happened was kinda fun too,
When Adam was given a bludgeoning true;
We swear he deserved it, his worries were dumb,
And Beth beat the lesson so hard she went numb.
So yeah, Christmas violence, it happens a lot,
Be they laser-banhammers™ or pellets of shot;
Such is theO every new Christmas Day…
…and frankly, we’d take them in no other way.
* * * * * * * * * *
...And that's when the members then poked at SomeGuy,
If battles of captions were maybe nearby;
And that's when SomeGuy gave most sheepish of smiles,
And GTFO'd for vast miles and miles.
And later that day, from a lost, far off place,
SomeGuy he replied from some clandestine base;
Racking up cellular roaming bills plenty,
He said "alright, here's the deal: It's totally Christmas and we're all on holiday. We'll get back on top of things before New Year's, I swear! In the meantime, a very merry Christmas to everyone at theO! Have a happy, safe holiday, enjoy the time with loved ones and such, and don't get yourselves sent to another dimension!"