Barbecue Sauce!
(Originally posted on 05/16/05)
Eight anime superstars try to make a commercial for a barbecue sauce. Inspired by a segment in MADtv.
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The Scenario:
In a boxing gym two people, a director and a cameraman, are trying to make a commercial for a barbecue sauce. Their commercial model, which is an anime character from a certain anime series, is placed beside a punching bag and is required to wear boxing gloves so that he/she would look like a boxer. Whenever the director says, "Action!," the model must say "Barbecue Sauce!."
Let's see how these anime superstars did as commercial models:
TAKE 1
Director: Sanosuke Sagara (Rurouni Kenshin), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Sanosuke: Ba...ba...bar...barbe...Ah! I can't stand here letting that camera suck my soul!
Director: Sano, that's an old wives' tale. Kaoru already told you that.
Sanosuke: Oh yeah? Can you tell me how a train works, huh? Bet you can't tell!
Director: Sano, don't think about the camera. Just say, "Barbecue Sauce"
Sanosuke: Fine! Ba...barbe...That's it! Extreme Fist Punch!!! *hits video camera*
Cameraman: My camera!
TAKE 2
Director: Sakuragi (Slam Dunk), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Sakuragi: Wait a minute! I thought this was the Adidas commercial.
Cameraman: No, this is the Barbecue Sauce commercial. Rukawa's doing the Adidas commercial.
Sakuragi: What?! That arrogant son of a b---h? I should do that commercial. I'M A BASKETBALL GENIUS!
Director: Sakuragi, just say Barbecue Sauce.
Sakuragi: Hmph! Oh, okay! *cough* Barbecue Sauce! The sauce for basketball geniuses like me! Hahahahahahaha!
*director and cameraman get sweat drops*
TAKE 3
Director: Edward (Full Metal Alchemist), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Edward: Barbecue Sauce!
Cameraman: Cut! Cut!
Director: What's wrong?
Cameraman: I didn't get a shot of Edward's face because of his height.
Director: Oh, okay. Edward, we have to do it again. The camera didn't get your face 'coz you were too short.
Edward (with an angry face): WHO DID YOU CALL AN ULTRA-HYPER MIDGET?!? THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!
TAKE 4
Director: Pikachu (Pokemon), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Pikachu: Pika! Pika!
Director: No, Pikachu! You should say, "Barbecue Sauce!" Let's try it again. Action!
Pikachu: Pika! Pika!
Director: No! Barbecue Sauce!
Pikachu: Pika Pika?
Director: No! Barbecue...Oh, forget it! Who's the wise guy who said Pikachu could speak English?
TAKE 5
Director: Shortimer (Shaman King), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Mortimer (with an angry face): THE NAME'S MORTIMER!
Director: Sorry! Mortimer, Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Mortimer: Barbe...
Cameraman: Wait! I can't get a shot of Shorty.
Mortimer: THE NAME'S MORTY! THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING! I STILL HAVE PIANO LESSONS TO ATTEND.
TAKE 6
Director: Trowa (Gundam Wing), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
*Trowa is silent*
Director: Trowa?
Trowa: My name is not Trowa. I am a man without a name.
*director and cameraman are silenced*
TAKE 7
Director: Seto Kaiba (Yu-Gi-Oh!), Barbecue Sauce commercial...
Kaiba: What?! I'm doing a pathetic barbecue sauce commercial?
Director: Well, sir...you see...uh...please sir. I'm begging you. Just say "Barbecue Sauce"
Kaiba: Hmph! You animals are so pitiful. But I won't waste my time on this rubbish. Goodbye!
TAKE 8
Director: Lupin III (Lupin III), Barbecue Sauce commercial, Action!
Cameraman: Sir, Lupin III has disappeared.
Director: What?!?
Lupin III (bringing punching bag): See ya, suckers! *runs away*
Cameraman: Sir, he's stolen our punching bag.
Director: THAT'S IT! I QUIT!
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*This article was inspired by a segment in MAD TV.
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A contest about "Barbecue Sauce" is now being held. The objective is to make a fan comic using one of the eight sets of dialogue in this story. For more information, click here.
