This is for simplebeast231's challenge, "YOU FAIL!!!" All the stories are ninety percent true, mostly because one of the stories is actually about a friend and not me. There is a reason certain parts are in third person.

1) My Female Prowess continuously amazes me.
I carry a messenger bag (or book bag, whatever you call those one strap backpack things) because, well, it tends to be more fashionable than the typical backpack. This type of thinking is generally well-accepted and quite reasonable for a teenage girl- only, things can get pretty heavy- and I mean heavy. Naturally, after realizing this, I decided to switch off which shoulders get to experience the twenty-thirty pounds of textbooks I lug around each day.

One day, I happened to see the cute boy from my physical education class. Trying to look cool, with full and complete realization that he was looking straight at me, I tossed my head back, and strutted by with my hand on the strap of my bag. Of course, at that time, I was using my weaker shoulder, crushing my chance of successfully looking aloof. Why? Well, this would not be the story if it were not for the fact that when I tossed my head back, the incomprehensible weight of my bag, with such a force unable to resist, threw my one hundred pound gluteus maximus unto the hard, cold ground. I fell. Hard. Painfully. He watched. His friends watched.

Yes, my Female Prowess continuously amazes me.

Oh, and a week later, I tried the hair flip thing- and accidentally whacked him in the face.

2) The whole world EV trains- except for you.
Since the release of Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver, everyone has been sitting quietly at their desks, textbooks propped up, and if a teacher walks close by enough, they will find that there is a very likely chance that that student is playing their Nintendo DS in your class. An even likelier situation is when a teacher finds that their students are battling each other. An unlikely situation?

"Wow you really suck- don't you EV train?"
"Err....No....what's the point?"
"Don't you at least look at the natures?"
"No....I don't really care."
".......Oh."
"..............."

Later my neighbor picked me up and apparently she EV trains too. I did not know whether to be shocked that a fifty year old woman with two college graduates as children plays Pokémon or that she EV trains and I do not. Even more unnerving was the fact that I found out one of my close friends challenges her father to battles- Pokémon battles.

This truly is a wonderful world, and all I can say to myself is, "The whole world EV trains- except for you."

3) "Who's that loser running around in the lava?" "It's you."
A close friend and I were playing a game which I believe was Everquest II. It was quite a while ago, but we seemed to be in some sort of underground/hell/volcano area. The screen was quite dark, even after adjusting the brightness and contrast on the television (the lighting in the room was unfavorable), so we decided to leave it that way. Consequentially, the ground in the game was black, and the lava (which kills your character) a bright red. Obvious contrast, right? Except our characters were also black, making it impossible to tell them apart. I could have simply paid attention to the label stating "Player Two," and know which character was mine, but I did not pay much attention to it.

We ran around fighting monsters when all of a sudden one of our characters, which I assumed to be my friend's, ran into the lava and started to lose hit points at a remarkable rate.

"Ha! Who's that loser running around in the lava?"
"It's you."
"No, it's not- I'm fighting the monsters."
"No....that's me."
"No, your the one swinging your sword around in the lava- and dying."

We went like this back and forth for a while until on the screen it said, "Player Two has just died."

".............."
"Idiot."